I never feel anything but "okay" lately. Sometimes I wonder what that means, but I'm not complaining. A month or so ago I was incapacitated with fear and dread. Now I don't really feel much of anything at all. I think about food, my family, and not much else of substance. I usually am just thinking of what I'm focused on in the moment. I am fine with that for now.
I am happy with myself because I got in 600 calories workouts even though I worked two seven hours shifts these past two days. I had to get up really early for the first half and stay up really late for the second half of the workout, but it was definitely worth it. I have peace of mind and working out always makes me feel at ease afterwards. I also love listening to music during the workout.
Not much else to report. My dad brought me home a few slices of watermelon tonight because I mentioned earlier today I really wanted some. I ate it right up and it fills me so much because it's all water, so I haven't been ready to eat dinner yet even though it's past midnight. But dinner is made and I will probably eat it around one. I am having a baked potato with fake butter spray and two soy nuggets, yummy =)
My dad also bought me a book today "Eat This Not That" which tells you which foods you should eat at the supermarket brandwise, aka this brand as opposed to that brand. I am looking forward to reading that because I am always making food shopping trips harder than they need to be and if I know this stuff ahead of time I can just get in and out of the store.
One last thing: my dad brought home coconut cupcakes as well. There are four of them sitting in the fridge and I hate that they are there. I binged three nights ago on two cookies, a cup of frosted flakes (no milk) and some tuna over lettuce with kidney beans. That is not even a "binge" technically I know but the way I ate it felt out of control and like a binge. So I am scared I am going to do the same thing with the cupcakes. I really am contemplating throwing them down a sewer. There is so much junk food in my house, it makes me so anxious.
Anyways, that's me whining. Hope all is well with everyone!!!
I am happy with myself because I got in 600 calories workouts even though I worked two seven hours shifts these past two days. I had to get up really early for the first half and stay up really late for the second half of the workout, but it was definitely worth it. I have peace of mind and working out always makes me feel at ease afterwards. I also love listening to music during the workout.
Not much else to report. My dad brought me home a few slices of watermelon tonight because I mentioned earlier today I really wanted some. I ate it right up and it fills me so much because it's all water, so I haven't been ready to eat dinner yet even though it's past midnight. But dinner is made and I will probably eat it around one. I am having a baked potato with fake butter spray and two soy nuggets, yummy =)
My dad also bought me a book today "Eat This Not That" which tells you which foods you should eat at the supermarket brandwise, aka this brand as opposed to that brand. I am looking forward to reading that because I am always making food shopping trips harder than they need to be and if I know this stuff ahead of time I can just get in and out of the store.
One last thing: my dad brought home coconut cupcakes as well. There are four of them sitting in the fridge and I hate that they are there. I binged three nights ago on two cookies, a cup of frosted flakes (no milk) and some tuna over lettuce with kidney beans. That is not even a "binge" technically I know but the way I ate it felt out of control and like a binge. So I am scared I am going to do the same thing with the cupcakes. I really am contemplating throwing them down a sewer. There is so much junk food in my house, it makes me so anxious.
Anyways, that's me whining. Hope all is well with everyone!!!
Replies
I have that problem living with 2 kids, my cupboards are all full of goodies that shout at me all day long \'eat me,eat me\' its a form a torture, I would have to have a cupcake though just because they are soooo yummy x
If that is going to make u feel better i say you shud chuck em!
Yes. I would flush the cakes too. I mean we all know we need to eat but that sort of stuff is not good for anybody ED or not..
Hsve you tried Smart Balance Light on your potato? It\'s a lot healthier than the butter spray.
Also meant to say you are at a very transitional point in your life right now and perhaps OK is the best you can manage. Don\'t worry about it. You have your whole long beautiful life ahead of you, with much to learn about life and yourself. This BLAH sort of apathetic feeling is normal for you right now and it seems like it is going to last forever, No? But trust this old granny. It WILL pass.
Have you ever met with a nutritionist so that you can get the most bang for your calories?
I hope that you manage to get your eating disorder under control so that you will have a long and happy life to live!!!
I\'m guessing that your dad is worried about your eating habits? Can you discuss with him \'acceptable\' foods that he could bring you if he\'s Hell-bent on bringing you food?