Hello all! Well, first thing's first, in my last journal entry I talked about a girl I had recently talked to about getting together, and it fell through. Her family ended up visiting from California last minute, and she called me in a panic, saying over and over how sorry she is and I'm too nice and she's so relieved I'm not angry. I still think she's genuine, but until we get to know each other more, my guard is still up. I can't reveal anything she could use to harm me until I know she's for real. I'm also not going to let myself get excited only to be let down. It's not worth it anymore. As for my eating, I've entered a sort of bingeing phase (well, to me it's bingeing, but it's really only normal amonts of food, but it included lots of junk food.) See, what happens with me is that after I deprive myself and overwork myself for a certain period of time, I end up eating all the things I miss, not really in extraordinary amounts, but I go crazy and have some cookies or pita chips and whatnot. Yesterday morning I had half a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, which was a HUGE leap. Everybody else had a whole bagel plus a donut, but I felt so full and panicky after my half a bagel. For lunch I had a small sub, with no meat or condiments except mustard, just veggies and some cheese. Not really a sub, I guess, but it made me feel included with everyone else who was having Italian subs. WE went on a lot of rides and I had an insane amount of fun. There was a group called Lyrix that was performing there, and one of the singers, who was UBER cute, kept singing directly to me! It was SO fun! We got pictrues and autographs and everything, so that was really cool! I'm really sad it's over, and I feel like my eating is getting out of control again, but I'm trying to stay optimistic and not get depressed. LOVE YOU GUYS! Meg
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Awesome job with the bagel and sub hun! Small steps are key. Maybe next time you can eat the whole bagel or try a little dressing on your sub! At least as you keep moving in the right direction with challenging yourself. As far as \"junk food\" goes, I think you should allow yourself a bit of it every day so that you don\'t feel deprived and then guilty when you do have it. I mean pita chips and cookies really are not that bad as long as they are balanced with some veggies and fruits. It is all about balance. You deserve to have some cookies too! Don\'t deprive yourself and I bet you won\'t feel so out of control! I am glad you had fun at the fair you were at! Stay positive love!
Way to go on at least trying. You don\'t have to eat as much as everyone else and you shouldn\'t feel like you should. You got a sub and ate it. That\'s great! If you did get the italian sub, you probably would have felt really guilty and might have gone to restricting. I\'m so glad you had such a good time.
Don\'t stress about having \"junk food\". If you deprive yourself of it when you do have it you may go overboard. I eat junk all the time believe it or not. I have 84 16 oz. tubs of Sour Jacks at my house. I go through a tub every 2 to 3 days.
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! I love you..
Your eating... or really \"not eating\" was already out of control and that is what landed you in the hospital. By pushing yourself to eat bagels adn \"junk food\" you are actually gaining your control back. Ed lies to us and tells us otherwise but don\'t fall for it. Please keep challenging yourself and allow yourself some breathing room. Of course you crave/eat lots of things you forbid yourself to eat in the past. I sort of the think the body can only be starve mode for so long and then it takes on a mind of it\'s own. but it is because we have taught it through our actions that i can\'t trust us to take care of it. we have to show it, over time, that we are going to nourish and honor it. eating the bagel is one step cloesr to that... now next time try the whole thing :) hang in there dear! I believe in you!!!
I\'m so glad to hear that you\'re staying positive! Sorry the plans with your friend fell through, but hopefully you guys will be able to set up another time to hang out! Good job with the eating too. It may seem like bingeing to you, but that\'s just ED talking. I think you did GREAT. You need to start listening to your body and give it the food it needs, rather than listening to ED. Proud of you :)
I end up eating the same way, I will deprive and then eat junk and feel even worse. ugh, I wish it was easier.
love you kiddo.
Sorry that your plans fell through with your friend. Hopefully soon you guys will get together and have some fun times! It sounds like you could really use a fun get together to kind of ease your mind off of all of this food stuff.
The things you ate, to me, weren\'t junk at all! A sub sandwich is a healthy, normal thing to eat, and you didn\'t even have anything on it! And good job on eating the bagel! I\'m really proud of you for that, and I\'m even more proud of you for eating it despite your anxiety. Keep moving forward, babe! It sounds like you\'re making excellent progress right now. Hopefully you can work towards eating a little more regularly, so you don\'t feel like you are depriving yourself.