I feel like the shit has been beat out of me. Why is it so hard to cope? I want to just shrivel up and waste away. I have no energy and I'm frustrated and apathetic at teh same time. The only things I care about are the people I want to like me and food. Fucking food. I hate it. I wish it didn't even exist. Then I could be perfectly thin. And evrybody would be jealous of me because I would have the perfect body. They would all regret that they coudn't have cared less about me. And yet I still eat like a gulttonous pig. WHY?!?!?! I'm so trhough with this. Seriosuly, I'm tired of this bloody fucking life where all I do is get up in the morning, go to school, try with everything I have to get their attention, and go back to ED. Maybe I'm better off with ED. I HATE feeling like that because it sounds so pro-ana, but, honestly, why SHOULD I get rid of him? He's gotten me through so much. He's been something to focus on when other things ere too painful to think about. He's been the monster that made me people acknowledge my existence. He saved me from myself. It's so SICK and I'm so sorry for letting you guys down. I swear...                                    -Megan