33 years in the making
I've already written about spending my whole life as a screwup. Well, I guess that today is going to be the day that I finally get to say I did something right.
I was talking to an old flame last night about how things are going. I don't keep in touch with people from my home town but I do make exceptions from time to time. The reason I called her was a bad one: an even closer friend of mine completely forgot my b-day. By forgot I mean that she thought it was coming up. It's in September. I get that we mess up and when we get older, priorities change. But this was supposed to be the one friend that was always there for me. And she couldn't even get the month right. Normally, it wouldn't bother me. But I took it pretty hard this time. So, I called the ex.
It wasn't a bad talk. She actually wanted to talk to me more than I did to her. Turns out, we had a little more to clear up about our past. So, we did. And that brings me to the current journal entry. While talking about hating where we live (she's in Arkansas), I remembered a feeling that came upon me when I was driving home from yet another RN test: this is my life. What I'm doing, where I'm going. Nursing is my life now. And my future isn't about a negative uncertainty, it's about that proverbial fucking door finally being open. Opportunity is knocking, it's already in the house having a coffee with me.
33 years I've been on this planet not knowing what to fight for or where I belong. I think this is worth fighting for and, even though I have more opposition here than in any other job I've had, I think this is where I belong. Not in my current city necessarily (screw this place, I'm peacing out as soon as I can). But my station in life. It will take me places I've been dreaming of for quite some time. And bring me unforeseen joys. It's a dangerous thing for us to be so optimistic. But I think I'll roll with it this time.
I was talking to an old flame last night about how things are going. I don't keep in touch with people from my home town but I do make exceptions from time to time. The reason I called her was a bad one: an even closer friend of mine completely forgot my b-day. By forgot I mean that she thought it was coming up. It's in September. I get that we mess up and when we get older, priorities change. But this was supposed to be the one friend that was always there for me. And she couldn't even get the month right. Normally, it wouldn't bother me. But I took it pretty hard this time. So, I called the ex.
It wasn't a bad talk. She actually wanted to talk to me more than I did to her. Turns out, we had a little more to clear up about our past. So, we did. And that brings me to the current journal entry. While talking about hating where we live (she's in Arkansas), I remembered a feeling that came upon me when I was driving home from yet another RN test: this is my life. What I'm doing, where I'm going. Nursing is my life now. And my future isn't about a negative uncertainty, it's about that proverbial fucking door finally being open. Opportunity is knocking, it's already in the house having a coffee with me.
33 years I've been on this planet not knowing what to fight for or where I belong. I think this is worth fighting for and, even though I have more opposition here than in any other job I've had, I think this is where I belong. Not in my current city necessarily (screw this place, I'm peacing out as soon as I can). But my station in life. It will take me places I've been dreaming of for quite some time. And bring me unforeseen joys. It's a dangerous thing for us to be so optimistic. But I think I'll roll with it this time.
Replies
Wow... great journal Brasco. I\'m sorry your good friend forgot your birthday though :(
Glad you had good talk with your ex and cleared some other things up from your past. I think Nursing being your life is a wonderful thing. I can imagine how much hard work nursing school is though and I will be praying and crossing everything that you did well on your test and you will on the finals that are left.. or did you finish? I confuse easily ya know.. the fake blonde thing and old age.. I think you should come to Nashvegas, it\'s a happenin\' place and I\'m sure lots of great opportunities . I\'m going to disown Chase soon if he keeps being a smartass, so you can have his room. I do believe your career will take you to wonderful places and I\'m so dang proud of you. Be optimistic. Stay optimistic. Live the dream. I believe in you , you know it.
big hugs~