SO, after my ex completely abandoned me last night, I gave into the urge to cut myself again. I haven't done it in years, but I felt so alone. I was sick of him making me feel like shit and treating me like shit, then getting pissed off at me when I either got upset about it or tried to defend myself. Right now, I don't care if cutting myself was selfish because it gave me temporary relif and made me forget about all the emotional pain I was feeling and how alone I really was. People who don't cut or SI could never understand. When you have nobody to talk to, having one way to let out pain makes all the difference, esp when your own shrink doesn't want to do anything except make sure you're happily, or overly, medicated. I was going to come back on here for advice on what to do...but I didn't want to be told not to do it. I didnt want to be told to go to the hostpital, or call a (non-existant) local friend, or even go into a rehab....W/E. At least the ex will never notice. My knife of choice is so thin that the cut is clean, the bleeding stops after bandaging, and the swelling goes down overnight. I was only able to get away with cutting so long because of my knife. It never even left a scar, and within days, the same patch of skin could be cut again. The worst I ever got was a tint of skin that nobody but I can notice. I don't know what to do, but at this point I don't want to do anything. I can't eat or sleep, and all I want to do is pop my pills like M&Ms and cut....hopefully I won't remember the coming days...