Moving on
It was so helpful to talk to my dear male friend G about situation of helping and ending relat w/ T. I am so grateful it's behind me. It's like in getting it out to my friend and getting helpful, validating feedback it is no longer occupyming my mind, FINALLY.
And this stuff w/ the other T is very interesting, sort of what a cat and mouse game does he like me doesn't he, anyway he SAID I have his # and if I ever want to call him and go out to dinner he'd probably say YES. He said when I'm ready, whenever. I said thanks. He knows I'm newly out of something, and his response to that a few weeks ago was, does that mean I can call you again? When I'd said yes, just give me a little time, he said he didn't mean anything by that, and I nearly rolled my eyes and walked away. Anyway he left msg the next day apologizing if he was inconsiderate, that he'd been joking but had bad timing. So I saw him yesterday and he said "not yet?" (about calling) I said "not yet, I almost did". Anyway today I left him a msg wondering if he'd like to go on a hike sometime. That took courage. I don't know. I guess I may have asked my first guy out with that msg, wow. I don't know.
So I started looking into job search today here at library on computer, and saw something temporary sort of on call but requires transportation, but I may apply anyway. Mom had offered to loan me a big hunk of $ out of the blue for a car, I'm like please mind your own business about my transportation! I don't want to borrow money! I was hoping to find local work so I don't have to get a car right away, who needs al the expense? So this path I am on, well I saw one thing/job opportunity, but it doesn't fit my "situation" so anyway maybe at least I am trying. My other coping strategy is to give up, so at least I am still floating and haven't sunk.
I'm impressed my organizing is getting better, having painted the room and having done somewhat of an inventory of stuff - papers are the biggest thing/problem and have been somewhat but not exactly consolidated to deal w/ later. It feels good to have space opened up, surely is leading to welcome opportunities in my life.
At a memorial yesterday for a deal lady friend I got into a frisbee throwing thing with that T I like and others, and my attempt ended up way in left field and the frisbee hit someone! I was so beat up about it, embarassed, but I tried again but really was absolutely not doing well with the frisbee, but I tried and gave up pretty easily and realize I'm not too sporty and maybe he is and it's OK. I realize too he may reject my offer, I don't know, I mean he asked if it was ok to call and ask me to coffee months ago and then sort of said he was busy and didn't want to mislead me, that he's my friend. So anyway as long as I don't have expectations and I'm taking care of myself and having other stuff going on I am on a healthier path than I have been at other times in my life. I don't know it's sort of scary I am rather unsettled and unstable right now w/ a lot of uncertainty and room for new beginnings.
I've been meditating daily which is a new goal I think I'll add, it helps a lot.
And this stuff w/ the other T is very interesting, sort of what a cat and mouse game does he like me doesn't he, anyway he SAID I have his # and if I ever want to call him and go out to dinner he'd probably say YES. He said when I'm ready, whenever. I said thanks. He knows I'm newly out of something, and his response to that a few weeks ago was, does that mean I can call you again? When I'd said yes, just give me a little time, he said he didn't mean anything by that, and I nearly rolled my eyes and walked away. Anyway he left msg the next day apologizing if he was inconsiderate, that he'd been joking but had bad timing. So I saw him yesterday and he said "not yet?" (about calling) I said "not yet, I almost did". Anyway today I left him a msg wondering if he'd like to go on a hike sometime. That took courage. I don't know. I guess I may have asked my first guy out with that msg, wow. I don't know.
So I started looking into job search today here at library on computer, and saw something temporary sort of on call but requires transportation, but I may apply anyway. Mom had offered to loan me a big hunk of $ out of the blue for a car, I'm like please mind your own business about my transportation! I don't want to borrow money! I was hoping to find local work so I don't have to get a car right away, who needs al the expense? So this path I am on, well I saw one thing/job opportunity, but it doesn't fit my "situation" so anyway maybe at least I am trying. My other coping strategy is to give up, so at least I am still floating and haven't sunk.
I'm impressed my organizing is getting better, having painted the room and having done somewhat of an inventory of stuff - papers are the biggest thing/problem and have been somewhat but not exactly consolidated to deal w/ later. It feels good to have space opened up, surely is leading to welcome opportunities in my life.
At a memorial yesterday for a deal lady friend I got into a frisbee throwing thing with that T I like and others, and my attempt ended up way in left field and the frisbee hit someone! I was so beat up about it, embarassed, but I tried again but really was absolutely not doing well with the frisbee, but I tried and gave up pretty easily and realize I'm not too sporty and maybe he is and it's OK. I realize too he may reject my offer, I don't know, I mean he asked if it was ok to call and ask me to coffee months ago and then sort of said he was busy and didn't want to mislead me, that he's my friend. So anyway as long as I don't have expectations and I'm taking care of myself and having other stuff going on I am on a healthier path than I have been at other times in my life. I don't know it's sort of scary I am rather unsettled and unstable right now w/ a lot of uncertainty and room for new beginnings.
I've been meditating daily which is a new goal I think I'll add, it helps a lot.
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