Change
Well I have been using T's car and dating him a few months. I have probably picked up his son about once or twice in the last month, when the original arrangement was to use the truck to transport him. The situation has changed. Last night I gave T his vehicle back. I had considered it many times. It seems I have gotten into this codependent role where he wants me to work for him and I don't feel comfortable taking pay because of his financial situation, and helping him with the truck payments and I told him I couldn't afford it. I also feel the intimacy is too much for how casually he treats me. It did not go over well. I told him when I say no he pushes pushes pushes, and that is how our relationship started. He started to say that is the problem and he needs somebody... I interrupted and said I don't need anybody and gave him the keys. Kind of prideful of me I know. So when I decided to take the long walk out of there anyway I was treated really with hostility and I think I kept my cool quite well. I have not cried.
The night before the other T who I dealt with the end of last year, who I thought liked me and then said he didnt' want to mislead me, well they're you know very close so this T asks if I'm dating T "I guess so" I never really lost feelings for the first T. He said he wasn't trying to be nosy. Anyway I guess I need to avoid both of them.
I'm kind of in shock. I just told him I'd rather not "help" him and not have the car because I couldn't afford it. I was feeling taken advantage of. Obviously I did the right thing because of how I was treated when it ended. Pulled out my book on verbal abuse which I know so well and have used over the years, and yeah it totally applied. Yeah I think his son looked pretty shocked and sad. I didn't want a ride home from him and he was really upset. The walk the hour walk I took was quite peaceful and I got a ride home from mom from there. I'd asked him to leave me alone but his texts were mean. I finally did as he asked and let him know I was home safe and to stop being mean and thanked him, what for? he asked. So I made the gratitude list of what I was grateful for in our "relationship" and texted it to him.
I had found recently the way I was treated was less and less what I thought was healthy and yeah we overcame bumps and had a lot of good things between us but ultimately his pushiness and his lack of loving feelings for me and his lack of boundaries and now the verbal abuse just have become unhealthy. So I am in the process of recovering and validating my feelings and perceptions. I took a long walk to the womens meeting today and shared briefly on my borrowed vehicle being given back. I didnt' really want to go into more details. I've told one friend about our situation, and the two guys who know about me dating him, one is the other T and one is a guy who asked me out when we were newly dating. Anyway so yeah I'm a little numb and sad and just relieved and kind of scared to be jobless and vehicleless and not able to drive to my MA meetings and now limited in walking to AA because he will be at certain meetings I think I need to avoid for now. It was good to be able to talk to mom and have her support. I trust God I have made hard choices before. I am feeling some loss and sadness and anger and numbness.
The night before the other T who I dealt with the end of last year, who I thought liked me and then said he didnt' want to mislead me, well they're you know very close so this T asks if I'm dating T "I guess so" I never really lost feelings for the first T. He said he wasn't trying to be nosy. Anyway I guess I need to avoid both of them.
I'm kind of in shock. I just told him I'd rather not "help" him and not have the car because I couldn't afford it. I was feeling taken advantage of. Obviously I did the right thing because of how I was treated when it ended. Pulled out my book on verbal abuse which I know so well and have used over the years, and yeah it totally applied. Yeah I think his son looked pretty shocked and sad. I didn't want a ride home from him and he was really upset. The walk the hour walk I took was quite peaceful and I got a ride home from mom from there. I'd asked him to leave me alone but his texts were mean. I finally did as he asked and let him know I was home safe and to stop being mean and thanked him, what for? he asked. So I made the gratitude list of what I was grateful for in our "relationship" and texted it to him.
I had found recently the way I was treated was less and less what I thought was healthy and yeah we overcame bumps and had a lot of good things between us but ultimately his pushiness and his lack of loving feelings for me and his lack of boundaries and now the verbal abuse just have become unhealthy. So I am in the process of recovering and validating my feelings and perceptions. I took a long walk to the womens meeting today and shared briefly on my borrowed vehicle being given back. I didnt' really want to go into more details. I've told one friend about our situation, and the two guys who know about me dating him, one is the other T and one is a guy who asked me out when we were newly dating. Anyway so yeah I'm a little numb and sad and just relieved and kind of scared to be jobless and vehicleless and not able to drive to my MA meetings and now limited in walking to AA because he will be at certain meetings I think I need to avoid for now. It was good to be able to talk to mom and have her support. I trust God I have made hard choices before. I am feeling some loss and sadness and anger and numbness.
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