I took a b-day gift card to sis last night, it was nice to visit a bit with her and the teen kids. It was nice to be out with the Christmas lights at he outdoor mall with puppy. I was very sad I ran into T at a meeting last night and just felt rejected because his showing interest has taken a lower level. I have that love addition thing and him being my target and also someone I'd like to get to know who has shown interest in me has put a lot of things into perpective. I need to work on myself before I can be healthy for someone else, and at the sime time, I don't NEED to be perfect to be loveable. I just wanted to cry because the connection was not how I wanted that, isn't that life? I guess going to the convention and it help me to start breaking out of withdrawal has gotten me in touch with my loneliness needs and wanting them gone NOW - the addict in me. Healthier to be reaching out I guess, and I've been doing that a bit more since the convention, which started out in isolation. I'd like to go to church with T, and J would go, but I'm not sure I'm ready or that my expectations are in check. One day at a time. When I have a plan for today it's better. I am too withdrawn in general. I went to the gym last night finally and did jacuzzi and sauna, and did yoga 2 nights in a row. Good for me.