Feeling too much stress today.  Got laid off.  Trying to apply for jobs as required for unemployment benefits, which the application process is just beyond frustrating me, and I am not having a lot of success to say the least in even getting applications submitted, but I'm making progress! A lady in Al Anon noticed me crying Monday and gave me an assigment after the meeting to do an inventory on my sis, to give to her by Friday.  Rather exciting  - the work is there for me to do.  I received a note we pull when the basket is passed, and my "fortune" note said "surrender" - and the issue I was having is with my sis, which is so painful for me.  She's abusive and totally uninterested in having a relationship with me or her kids or our family and it is just requiring me to do a lot of reexamination and acceptance because I suppose I always put her on a pedestal.  She has changed so much.  So I have a sponsor type person in Al Anon willing to help me and my MA sponsor is all for it, since she so wisely referred me there!  (Over 2 years ago, still going!) I did find myself crying easily yesterday with PMS.  Today I am trying to get a little done and frustrated I am not getting the numbers of applications I need to for next weeks interview with Employment devel dept regarding my job search.  I am doing background acting tonight, so working 2 days this week and 3 days last, 3 employers in all, which is progress I must recognize and somehow report. I had a using dream last night where I was smoking a joint.  I haven't smoked pot in nearly 5 years!  The dreams can be so vivid. The lay off sort of got me beating myself up because I was told I made a mistake by the agency, though both they and the employer said I did a great job.  I think the mistake may have been made by the person on the other end of the phone, and in my giving the order for parts I may have neglected for her to read me back that she understood me correctly, and I am sort of having a hard time understanding it and letting it go.  Mom is relieved because she thought the fumes of working in a mechanics office were too hard on me and she's probably right.