At the original place where I attend AA where I stopped going due to an abuse exbf I was off and on w/ and just general gossip in there that I don't see elsewhere, I have grown a little uncomfortable there lately with just some general stuff related to why I stopped going, so I am hoping I can use my gas $ to spread the meetings around a bit and not get too involved into a place I find "clique-y" with some people with not a lot of recovery sort of dominating.  Anyway!  I've been going there regularly the last month and a half now so it is bound to get clear to me some of the stuff that bugs me! I went to a music festival today and I have grown tired of sort of going to concerts and isolating, not talking to anyone.  There's ann upcoming one I lost my ticket to (it was only $10 anyway) and found out some people from that place where I attend AA will be there, one in particular who was (is?) close to my exbf who I just feel generally uncomfortable around and judge to have poor boundaries and to be part of that gossipy croud, and to think of being there alone knowing she may be there is just awkward to me, like would I join in or isolate, I don't know! Anyway I have my MA commitment that night anyway so I sort of decided I just may not go.  I was a little disappointed today as the main artist I went to see did one song as sort of a backup singer, but that's ok.  I really wanted to go and I did. For some reason the whole 80's flashback fashion thing I notice more in the big city and concerts and on young people is getting on my nerves, I guess I'm being judgemental.  It is hard to get old and to see youngsters wearing stuff I used to wear!  Oh well.  It was never my favorite decade especially for fasion so I guess that is ok!  I just find it sort of rediculous, like it didn't work then, is it really working now?  Though I guess it is ok.  I don't live in the city anymore or stay up on the trends, so I guess that is part of the judgement. Today at AA a guy I dated when I was new a few years ago, at the time he was newly separated and sort of desperate to get into a new relationship, and I kept him at arms length, but wouldn't stop dating him until we had a sort of blowout (jealousy is a character defect of mine, over things that the average person would think to be totally irrational, and by the way, I get the feeling that is something my exbf w/ no boundaries would have shared publicly at that AA meeting, oh well, he is not attending meetings there at this time).  Anyway, back to this guy I dated, so after we stopped dating and before I got with that exbf, the guy had already told me finally he couldn't be my friend!  I guess the attraction sort of made it hard for him.  I always told him I didn't want to get all close with someone and end up not even friends, which is exactly what happened.  I would say I wasn't ready for a relationship, being new in recovery, and didn't think he was ready either.  So by the time I was with that exbf, the guy had already remarried, so now a couple years later I see him w/ no wedding ring and having relapsed - it was really weird cause the other day mom and I were sort of referring to him as a "good catch" and I was thinking how easily I could have married him, though I was not into him that much.  Anyway I didn't get a friendly feeling from him at all, it was just weird to see what happened.   When I found out how newly separated he was when we dated, and said it was too soon to date, he said he'd already dated someone else before me - 6 days after his wife moved out!  That lady broke up w/ him because she wasn't ready for a relationship.  He was nice and generous and we were close, I just really needed buddies not a date. I'm still lately feeling tired of being single, because I STILL need buddies, not just a date, though that is a pattern for me. I just know at that particular meeting it is a little more casual, friendly, gossipy, loose boundaries, nosey stuff, where at other meetings it is a bit less social and more related to recovery, so anyway hopefully I can be a good influence and not be sucked into that atmosphere I find to be less than desirable.