Things are a little fussy at home and I am taking one step forward and one step back in my recovery in dealing with a codependent mom without adding my own codependency to the mix. Sis is t(hrough the grapevine of her daughter / my neice) just more dysfunctional than we know the more we learn and there is a lot of letting go to do.  Mom is just not seeing the letting go and I am finding this uncomfortable. It's not healthy with all the secrets and triangle-ing - I wish things were different but I know the more I take care of myself, which sometimes means not trying to fix others (I think it ALWAYS means that) the better boundaries I'll have - I have a lot to learn here. I see asking for an Al Anon sponsor becoming more of a necessity than a luxury because of how much I need help in dealing with the family dynamics and my relationships tendencies.  My sponsor reminds me how much I am powerless over others and this helps tremendously.  I don't know I think I need an Al Anon sponsor maybe I just need to talk to mine more, probably both (surely). I remember as a kid sis got into drugs and I felt helpless.  Parents were too distracted to really notice.  Funny how I don't remember much of my childhood, but that this memory is coming up to help me realize how much this affected me.  She got into other healthier things so young (church) but actually there was a lot of dysfunction, with her involved with her pastor. I went and swam and used jacuzzi, sauna and steam room at gym today before work to let it go. Yesterday was frustration with bank being overtaken by another and some overdraft charges I don't agree with, upsetting me. I decide to start my monthly fast today of fruits / veggies / juice - it is for so many reasons including to help me let go of stuff including R and the family dynamics. At the same time mom is planning a visit to lunch with my cousin, who is also in AA (yay) - I just with it felt healthier at home and am considering more and more into looking to rent a room so I am not bombarding with feeling overwhelmed.  I don't think it will go away on it's own. Last night I walked doggie and tried to breathe hard to calm down.  I skipped yoga which does wonders for stress which I need to take care of. Expecting my bedroom TV will no longer work due to the new digital TV starting tomorrow and wondering how I'll deal with that - maybe it will give me an opportunity to get up and out.  I think the hardest thing in imagining leaving is puppy - it almost makes it too hard to imagine being without him.  I sure enjoy TV, but seem to rely on it too much too often.