Really not journaling much lately. Dealing with a lot of disappointment regarding the men who are paying me attention.  It seems my "crushes" are inappropriate and those who show interest in me, I don't want to let them down but it is not mutual! I have issues with love and relationship addiction.  I am still much getting over R and his absense, there was no closure, it just is hard to deal with.  I saw a friend of his and avoided him to not hear or share "news" it's just too hard which is ok. This guy P I really have these odd feelings for him which I am struggling with, and I don't act on them. He's too young and a newcomer and just has flirted, but not seriously, I see him at meetings sometimes and karaoke.  The dream of him last night really moved me. Spending time walking Dog and watching TV as usual, and going to karaoke on Saturdays which I enjoy, and going to meetings. I am going to do something fun for myself and attend a yoga class at the gym tonight.  Yay!I felt upset to hear sis who worked with me at the school told mom they keep calling to try to lure me back.  I said I haven't received msgs except for one or two from her asking me to fill in sub for a teacher that same day and if I wanted to to call back, and I didn't.  I don't like the triangling of communication, it's indirect. List of why I quit.1. coworker delegated to me and chilled out2. boss ignored me and lied to me Is'nt that enough?  There's more3. other teachers bribed students and lied to them and cheated4. they let students in who do not pass aptitude test to take their $$$ and they are set up to fail with a huge debt to owe5. the whole process of online study plans instead of basic math and English classes is BS in my opinion.6. very poor communication7. very little to no help available in the department8. I'm not a trained teacher9. frustrating work I could go on.  I feel upset.  I compromised myself a lot there.  I miss some of the students, and helping people learn, tutoring, but not the teaching or the work or the bs or being part of the communication vortex. Anyway I'm at my new job and I need to practice "thought stopping" as it is too upsetting.