I got a nice part time office job through the temp agency they want to become permanent.  I am missing my noon meetings, the evening ones have less recovery and more BS in my opinion.  Oh Well!  At least I can still attend my "from survival to recovery" evening Al Anon which I love. I am sad about not being available to do background acting right now.  Live one day at a time. Got really mad at Dad yesterday who is abusive and I got caught up in the cycle of abuse and it is so painful.  The Al Anon meeting deals with childhood issues and it is bringing up so much.  I cried yesterday which was healing.  I realize the best I can not react to him the better.  I couldn't take how he treated me and I stood up to it and got so degraded, he is just quite abusive though he doesn't see it.  It's quite toxic when it comes out. I'm glad to be working again I feel hopeful.  Mom said sis said at my old job, they're saying I was "the best".  It doesn't surprize me.  In fact I felt mad, I'm not sure why.  It's like, I compromised myself to do a good job because the place is not set up for me to do a good job any other way which sucked and I'm glad to be free from. When the secretary from my Saturday meeting left messages saying he wasn't flaking, I actually cried.  How minor my connections to people are they are still meaningful to me. I've been attending karaoke and it is a blast.  This crush he is so adorable and young and drinking, but we AA's, we just had fun with him anyway.  Rather dysfunctional.  I sort of keep my distance from him, I feel so old and inadequate, and I guess I just protect my feelings.  We all have a good time us AA's at karaoke even though it is a bar.  I sure need the social outlets and more than just this.