2nd week off work, and another instructor called me today to ask me to fill in for her on her Friday class so she can attend the faculty meeting.  I said I'd think about it, and get back to her tomorrow (such a wonderful tool rather than saying yes or no too quickly).  I don't know I really want to move on from that place even though technically I "could", though it may keep me from doing something I'd "rather" do.  Then I get into, why would they schedule a faculty meeting during instructors classes?  I just feel so "done" with that place and think the $ is not worth it at this point because of my negative association with the place, right or wrong. I'm grateful to finally be reading a little Al Anon literature lately.  Dealing with R's total turn around due to his relapse has been painful. It was very sweet of him to let me know that he cares and loves me, though I know in his state he is unable to show it (actions speak louder than words).  I also know years ago when his mom was dying of cancer he was too screwed up to go home to see her like he'd promised, and how he has had to live with this and how it has eaten him up.  I know he is very sick as a result of his addiction and the damage it's caused him.  So I understand all this.  I still love this person and I am dealing with loss, and I think I am handling it well.  My attitude is improving.   I was grateful I found her obituary with a photo online and got to give it to him, as this has been such a hard thing for him and he has nothing of hers.  I hope he is well down in GA, I miss him and I need to live one day at a time and take care of me, and learn from what was not well between us and hope we can heal from those things. I am getting tired of some male attention at the AA club that happened last week.  It's like, this guy about 70 asked me to lunch!  I said I'd think about it.  I had no inclination he may like me in any sort of way that was more than friends, so I was in total disbelief.  Another aquaintance who I know likes me told me I look better each year, and today he wanted to make sure we were "ok" because I'd been short with him then.  I am tired of befriending males who want more than friendship.  I tend towards friendships with males much easier.  So I get into this pattern of making friends with people who will let me down because they may want more.  Even a dear friend who I have at times felt though he's very decent and honorable, I haven't returned his calls because I don't want to deal with that male/female element.  And now I have this looming person who wanted me to sponsor her who attends one of my womens meetings and how do I go and not have things be on the up and up with her?  No call or call back.  Anyway I need to take care of myself. Today I did see the guy who, last week, who I  basically ran away from because I did not want to deal with him, we dated last summer and I am tired of him calling, same issue.  So today I heard some sort of cat call as he drove by me in the parking lot and he didn't come over to say hi when he parked, and I went on my own way.  I guess I have communicated my "lack of" interest, and I am glad I did not turn to look at the cat caller, not knowing who it was, I just don't like that sort of behavior I find it disrespectful.  It's uncomfortable, but much better than doing old behavior which is leading on a male friend who wants more though I don't because I'm lonely. I find myself dealing with many things completely privately, though here is my most intimate place, after journals, and meetings, and occasional email or talks with AA friends.  My sponsor is rather distant and I do have a girl in mind from AA I keep seeing, I guess it is time to start a dialog with her.  Why do so many people smoke cigarettes?  I just can't stand being anywhere near the smoke.  I use that as an excuse to stay away instead of finding a more appropriate boundary. Mom and dad are leaving for out of town for a couple weeks and it will be time for me to have some solitude and try to stay out of my addictive computer habits.