I went to an AA convention and attended some marathon AA and Al Anon meetings yesterday and today.  Much needed.  I keep to myself too much even in such an environment. I got a missed call from an odd area code, looked in the phone book last night, didn't find it, then looked again at all those area codes in the US and sure enough it is for R's hometown, across the country, where he hasn't been in like 6 years.  I guess he's moved or something. I've spent a lot of time crying. My attitude is a little not great. I left a message for my new "sponsee" though I get the feeling I won't be hearing from her.  It's like she expected us to talk alot and when I let her know it's not like that w/ my sponsor, she hasn't called since - nearly 2 weeks.  I am planning to tell her I don't think it will work, anyway.  I said I wouldn't be at the meeting today.  I feel like hiding from the women's meeting now because of the uncomfortable situation between us. I have overindulged in sweets for me lately, which does not help my mood.  I am so sad about R - I am feelign a lot of loss and sadness and I'm grateful for my Al Anon reading, prayer, and reading "It's called a breakup because it's broken."  It's not a black and white situation - it's just all messy, and I'm mad this disease of alcoholism and addiction seem to kill my relationship.  I so need the Al Anon program and to work it.  Swimming, yoga and walking help.