So the other night R had gotten kicked out because of bottles found and I went to give him a ride to a friends and smelled alcohol on him, and we talked about it and he denied having drank for a long time, then finally gave in when I wouldn't take his words for an answer. I told him I can't be w/ someone who lies to me, that it's not healthy forme. I was upset and I handled it ok. I read Al Anon book about detachment and forgiveness. His alcoholism could lead him to deceive. Maybe he feels guilty, maybe he's in denial, maybe he's just deceptive. It's not like he's calling me. Poor thing. It's like I understand him and I wish things were different and I feel loss. On TV an actor reminded of me of him and I cried a little. IT is time to pull out "it's called a breakup because it's broken" book and do the suggestions. Again. Sigh. I was upset. The drinking is one thing, it's the lying I can't tolerate. It was so insideous, the deception. Karaoke is tonight and I'm rather tired. It has been nice to have time to myself to do chores and nap and be at home and watch TV. I still miss him and that's perfectly normal. I can't believe I have waited so many years to read the Al Anon book, until this week. It screams my story to me, myself to me.