I let myself cry at awkward moments a couple times this weekend, yesterday when I shared something hard with R, and today at the AA meeting where we read "Chapter 5" and it just was glaring at red lights my pain and thinking that is leaving me with much discomfort. I found out at work the math class is being changed to a harder version.  We are having new students coming in assessing extremely low in math.  I found out that a couple years ago in CA that the new students out of high school, when it was time for them to graduate high school, our school (community college) lost 50% of new appicants for not passing the exit exam in English and math.  Since then, CA governor has made it much easier for high schoolers to graduate, but their skills are not preparing them for college.  Much frustration. Then I found out our own school is bypassing the low scorers for the entry aptitude test and letting them apply, anyway, all in the name of $, and that the higher ups know about it.  It is quite corrupt, and in my position, it is extremely challenging.  I don't want to part of such corruption, setting students up to fail and making my job seem impossible. One math teacher whose failing students I was tutoring (and am now teaching) because he did not have time, asked what percentage of students he could fail in the new math class, if 50% would be ok.  There is no concern in him for the failing students who are paying for this private school with thousands of dollars in financial aid loans.  It would become my job to help these students pass, as it is now, and already extremely challenging. I'm so bothered. I also ought to tell a student I promised to teach independent study math in a couple months that since the new math class will go into effect by then I found out, I really need to say "no".  Since I am already not an instructor anymore, but just work in assessing and tutoring students, I can't do it.  The prep work for me to do all the homework, quizzes and exams for the original math class was many hours. I have this issue where I have said "yes" to doing something that I am not supposed to be doing, acting as both student center coordinator and math instructor with no extra pay, and with the upcoming schedule this week, I am totally overwhelmed, yet still saying "yes". I am coming in earlier. I got some added stress with R yesterday as I found a difference in our values over a personal issue hitting a very sore spot for me, something very personal and hurtful I shared that I am uncomfortable with, and I am proud I did speak up.  I can't change him, I can only settle or not.  I guess I am just truly overwhelmed and feel like throwing in the towel in both situations, instead of using the 12 steps to look at MY part, which is selfishness.  I mean it is ok to want to quit and end a relationship, and to not be certain, and to be scared if it is the right thing and if I would suffer loss because of it.  My point is to act without using my 12 step tools is something that could leave me unclear on my motives, if I am acting in fear of faith.