I have been unable to log in and keep in touch with online friends here.  Work is so busy and I am not online otherwise except for at volunteer work on Saturdays. I am sad to see some friends here drift away, yet I am one.  I don't understand being removed as a friend with no explanation and the hot and cold nature of such a friend, it is rather painful and drama filled.  It's rather hurtful I guess to have a "friend" here remove me with no word about it.  Oh well.  I will never know others intentions, only my own. I met a nice newcomer I referred to last time who is the sis of my friend who I had my last drink with, and I trust my anonymity will be kept with her.  I wish I'd offered my number, I thought I'd let her ask since asking for help is something that I need to leave for the newcomer, or not? Work is rather stressful with how busy it is being.  It is such an imperfect system and to be part of it is a little insane, because I can't "fix" it and I become part of the problem, as in perpetuating it, since changes are slow or needed and not made. God's in charge. I got into a situation where I am helping out R, which is so opposite from my ex BF who I only took from financially, rarely gave.  This guy R has some wreckage and I guess God put me in a position to say yes, and offer to give $ to help him stay in his program  - there comes a point where I may need to say "when". I went to Karaoke and it wasn't the same.  I was sick and my voice off.   I realize I somehow seek male attention or crave it, and seeing that this wears off with the same men over time, it was with one particular person, and the other, well he is a young ADORABLE newcomer who I see is starting to treat me like someone he could ask favors for (like a ride and to borrow a couple dollars he did pay back). I am feeling like this older insecure woman with money (it's all relative) to these young jobless guys and it's really weird.  There was a time I supported a boyfriend years ago, who I had a very dysfunctional and codependent relationship with.  I guess I still have some work to do. I guess it's time to get in touch with my counselor.