Last night I showed up to see the singer perform.  I got there early, with no sign of the fellow volunteer who was organizing the interview, and I was relieved because I was too shy.  It was at a beautiful old house at a college campus, very chill atmosphere.  I saw the singer earlier and chose to sit outside and look at the trees and journal and isolate and meditate rather than socialize with him.  People started to show up and I was really the only non college age person other than one sound engineer and the singer.  I enjoyed the bands.  Before the show he came up and we said hi and he asked if I was writing a book, I said it's just my journal.  I don't know if he remembered me from meeting him a year ago.  He was very nice. After the show I was proud I did go up and thank him, and he thanked me for being there and said he was glad I could be there and shook my hand. I guess I used to use and drink to rid myself of social anxiety so situations like this can be triggers, especially with some smelling of pot and beer in the croud.  I tried to realize "that used to be me." I woke up regretful I hadn't initiated the interview, I could have, I had access to recording material.  Maybe some other time.  I also wished I'd talked more.  He is playing tonight and tomorrow night elsewhere, maybe I'll go tomorrow again.  I don't know.  No interview though because we'll be away from the station with the recording info.  At least I could tell him there was an interest in interviewing him and maybe get in touch for next time.  I don't know. It was hard to be around people who were as old as the years I'd been listening to this artist, and half my age, but cool to be around other fans. I'm glad he was nice and that at least I did say hi and chat the littlest bit.  I'm too shy! I dreamed we got close and maybekissed, and that I asked for an autograph (I thought about asking him to sign my diary), and on it were his initials and some other words like "duet" and he did want to sing a duet with me.  Anyway!  Interesting.  (The last song he played was "can we kiss" which I love.) I woke and realize today is the day I got to visit R, but only after I processed last night.  I'd almost forgotten!  It was a great visit.  He is funny and cute and smart, and he is affectionate.  Anyway I am glad.  I think we're both pretty nervous his 28 days in the VA addiction treatment program are up soon.  He has to choose where he is going to stay in order to stay in the program.  He may be further away, I don't know, try to let go of expectations and live in today. I went to a sobriety b-day party.  I had to leave early, and I snuck away.  It's a bad habit, to not say bye.  Shy and try to slip away. It was beautiful outdoors with candles and tables and chairs and a fire going and trees and tables of food, sober celebration.