The swimming I've been doing has been giving me new life.  I think with my laziness and procastination more of an exercise routine will give me more energy.  The walks with the dog are leisurely, and I skimp on my daily yoga too often.  The swimming is so good for me. Today I got up and washed the car and took myself to a new hairdresser.  I am so particular who I let cut my hair, restricting myself to the same person for the last 15 years - actually I've only used her a few times during that time, since I cut my own hair (another story).  I'd been eyeing this salon and I'm really glad I went today - I needed a professonal polish and it's much nicer and will grow out nicely, a goal. I must say I am rather freaking out.  I love music. I used to be a huge groupie.  I got burned out and before I got clean and sober, and withdrew from the scene.  It took a long time to get reaquainted with music that had been a trigger for me.  I still attend some concerts but it is not near the lifestyle it once was for me, a major hobby.  So I do this volunteer work at a local college radio station and I found out one of my favorite singers is coming to our little town tomorrow to play, and there is an opportunity to interview him - I submitted my interest, and am waiting to find out if I can interview him tomorrow.  Ah. This brings up a lot of my love addiction issues.  I just love his singing voice, and maybe a year ago he played in the city and I went, it was very small and cozy and I got to introduce myself and my affilation with the station, who he does promotion with from time to time, well so he's coming and anyway, I'm just wondering if he remembered me.  When I saw him I had all these fantasies of being ready to move away with him right there.  This is all in my head.  So I am rather freaking out and very impatient to hear details!  I want details. As a kid I had this bigger than life feeling about those rock stars, I was right there in the midst of a very cool scene and very young.  I had the hugest obsession with this guitarist who was semi famous later on.  I was 15 and 16 and would see him play and at the club and at the store where he worked.  I was OBSSSED.  But I wouldn't talk to him.  Too shy.  Too young, insecure, f*&ed up.  If you would have told me years later I'd date his twin brother for 4 months I would have DIED, and my friends would have died.  I did, and it was really neat, and he was so sweet.  I was/am so shy and it was such a distant thing as a teen, that crush, so for me to bridge the gap and put these people in perspective and let go of the rush of the "star struck-ness" is so cool and an important part of my life because I love it, and being out of the night club scene I worked in and played in for so much of my life, this is a real thrill. Ah! I am a good judge of character and have special feelings about people and some of them happen to be in spotlights and on occastion due to my professions and interests "rubbing shoulders" with them is such a neat experience, and I tend toward saying nothing, so it is a goal to try to be "normal" with such inspirational people. I'm (hopefully) expecting nothing - expectations lead to resentment/ disappointment.  And of course, I am seeing someone who is nice, R, - we need to have a talk about our involvement, he said just to tell me if I find someone.  I reminded him before my ex I was celebate 2 1/2 years aside from one night in the middle there, so I'm not planning on being promiscuous again. Of course it is ok to wonder.  Maybe they'll give me this singer's number and he'll call me?  I don't know. One time a famous rocker, well we met and when he called me, he said it sounded like I was dying.  I was so nervous.  Years later when he became a DJ I used to call and talk to him, and he actually inspired me to take part in the local station to bring music back into my life, sober.  I am so sad his show and the radio station that went along with it just went off the air last week after over 5 years.  It hurts.  It brought up a lot, with my myspace page, and over the years changing to an older photo, and him deleting me - it broke my heart.   And a strange connection one night where a mutual friend, another rocker, well I randomly sent him a myspace msg for the only time in a year, having not seen him in probably 10 years, and he said he'd just forwarded the DJ friend a video of the DJ and I together backstage, so many years ago - I mean Oh my God, the coincidence.  That moment the video was taken, what a highlight for me.  Said DJ never remembered me that he could tell me, as myspace friend or not, when I tried to tell him who I was and our relation.  But the rocker friend who I emailed, he is someone who I owed and made amends to, having had a bad experience with him once due to my alcoholism and defects of character, now that is growth. Anyway tomorrow sounds exciting, interview or not.  I'll go to the show and that is cool. :)  I'm already fantasing he'll like my voice and I'll get discovered and do backup vocals and go on tour and meet my favorite musician someday. It's ok to have entertaining thoughts. :)