I feel a little hope at work. I am glad I have hung in there. I spend way too much time worrying (about stuff that never happens). I am real grateful for a guy who has given a lot of people in meetings copies of speaker meetings. I have a CD player in my car and listening to them is a good substitute for a meeting, as this week I'm going from one job to the next, and next week, too. I talked to sis and I guess she was a little off put to know I didn't want any more secrets about her old flame / new ex prisoner live in man, stuff I shouldn't tell mom/dad. When she told me about him and asked I not tell mom until she was ready, waiting was hard. Apparently her soon to be just ex told my dad, so the cat is out of the bag with him finally. Ex is freaking out about it and anyway divorce can be UGLY. I told her I want to be there for her. That is living amends to me. She had said she wouldn't tell me stuff, so I said I don't want any hard and fast rules because I understand it is a sticky situation with our dad, who we don't share personal stuff really with. Anyway I wanted to make sure she knows I want to be there for her. Sigh. Live and let live. Let go and let God. I changed my email for my temp job / volunteer work related stuff since a coworker shared that a google of my email address he didn't recognize pulled up what was an extremely personal letter I'd written to a website. I sent it at a moment of trying to tell my story as a way of making amends for being a stripper all those years, like this is not right and people's sexuality is being abused and all these personal examples. It is really crazy. I printed a copy of the letter, which I wrote 5 years ago, basially about my sexuality. Crazy! I wonder if I'd been stoned at the time, I'll have to research my diaries about that. Anyway. I put it in my God box to "turn it over". Wreckage means I've lived, and yes I have a lot of stuff to live down and live up to as I read Iggy Pop wrote in a Rolling Stone interview ( I LOVE HIM ). IN sobriety "more will be revealed" and the amends list grows. I looked at it today. It is exciting to have hope of doing it ahead of me. I had nightmares last night. I do when I'm underslept. I truly need a lot of sleep, I like 10 hrs a night or more. A really really cool student who I have a lot in common w/ and have had an innocent crush on. (I don't have to act on it and it's normal and even healthy - I'm human!) Anyway I had a dream about him and saw him a while ago tonight. Funny how I do that, dream and then stuff happens, premonition dreams. It is normal to me, sometimes quite specific stuff. I keep having this recurring thought to ask him if he knows someone I'd like as a date, which I've never done in my life. Call it intuition. Maybe I will. I really like my temp job at the college radio station. We had a cool famous oud (Middle Eastern guitar) player come in today and it was quite special and magnfiscent, in our humble surroundings. A master oudist and world renowned musician and composer at my job!