Back to my regular job.  It is tough with communication (majority) being through email, and no responsonses from my supervisor. I spent my last day of work and the two weeks of vacation wanting to quit, and it lifted.  Here I replaced a guy who worked here for years who got fired for not meeting the new responsibilities and neither am I!  And you know what?  I think it may be better to not quit before I give this more of a try as in letting them see the problem.  I have addressed it, though it wasn't acknowledged. UGH! I decided to go down to the hot springs on a sunny day yesterday and enjoyed the mineral baths, the mud body mask, and the steam room and sauna and salt bath.  I really needed that.  I love the atmosphere with all the palm trees and tropical plants around.  I went for lunch around a pond with a fountain and live music, and shopped at the farmers market which I loved.  It certainly makes a big difference to drive to a different area and take an afternoon off. An older guy got into conversation and instead of saying "nevermind" with others in the premises I just went along and when he said "can I ask you something" as I was leaving I said "maybe later".  I know that vibe very well as I worked in bars where there are a lot of lonely men propositioning women with money, and as a dancer I used to lead them on for the tips.  Anyway I wished I'd handled it a little differently when the personal questions started (how old are you, are you married, where do you live, what do you do?  Instead I reciprocated.  I like conversing with people.  Anyway whatever). I cried last night missing the music at my old job and the dancing, which I loved so much and felt perfectly suited to for so long.  It was truly my passion.  Being around music at my volunteer work and temporary job and in my free time is really a trigger for my old lifestyle as I didn't introduce it back into my life after some time clean and sober.  Certain music touches me so deeply. I got to lead an AA meeting yesterday.  My AA story is so weird since I have addiction as much of my story.  Anyway it was cool, and I am enjoying the new friendships since I've been attending different meetings the last year or so.  I seem to befriend men and there seems to be an unspoken element of that attention between men and women which is not acted upon, thank GOD.  Been there, done that.  So a newcomer was talking to me and being friendly and said maybe he'll see me again.  I said I won't be around for a couple weeks due to my double shift schedule temporarily with two jobs. So as I leave he says I could call him, and I said maybe some other time and was bolting away - that's inappropriate 13th step behavior for me to consider dating a newcomer, but I kinda liked him and have it planted in my head.  So he's to the west of me, Mr West. Then there's Mr East, to the east of me.  He's at the other meeting place I attend.  The first time I saw him I knew I kinda liked him.  Anyway over the last year or so I've been around him.  Some time ago some music discussion came up and some stuff in common and he said maybe we could go see this band sometime.  Anyway, aside from this, being the love addict I tend to look for "signs" (though not give any of my own, lately, in recovery that is).  He threw a book on the table at one point this weekend.  He's risen up to secretary and has control issues.  I almost left.  It felt abusive.  Anyway I stayed out of the way and I just look at him for what he is and these red flags that I see a hurt and angry person where it may seem irrational.  He's pretty outside of the traditions the way he leads the group and I am grateful to have some input from other members as I tend to be passive with him, not real healthy for me but familiar, but oh so temporary as I tend to go only so far with that and then pow, I burst out with my own issues and needs.  Can't change him. Anyway this job isn't so bad I just don't know what the future holds. I like my seasonal temporary job and I am grateful I get to do it :). I feel a little sad to hear my neice has spent her week off school with her cous, a 16 year old who just had a baby.  I feel sad to hear from mom that my sis says she's a problem because when she's home there's conflict at home with my sis's new man fresh out of a decade in prison after a separation with her husband of nearly 20 years.  There is frustration.  My neice has not taken me up on taking her shopping which I don't want to take personally.  It kinda hurts.  The ball's in her court - I can't continue to pester her about it.  3 times limit.  So my sis stopped by my desk (yes, she referred me to my job) and said our mom talked to her man for a long time today for the first time (aside from our one time meeting when they were teen sweethearts, we haven't met him - he just got out of prison 3 weeks ago!) C'est La Vie!Live and let liveLet go let GodGod, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference. I remember her obsession with him as a kid and wonder how knowledge of her expression of relating to the love addiction, what a thing we have on common - she's "love sick".  It doesn't look appealing to me but I am letting her enjoy her "high" - I crashed so hard after my last come down from my ex bf. I talked to the last guy I dated about if he called to say I'd called and hung up.  He said it wasn't him, that maybe it was that "other guy who is in town right now" (my ex).  Anyway I walked away - he continues to bring him up.  I am SO glad not to be dealing with him.  I had a guy in our meeting flirt with me and his feelings looked hurt about it.  I flinched when this guys tried to stroke my back.  Whatever. I told mom I need a gratitude list for my job because I complain about it so much. I get to go online (precious).I get to use my brain (rare on the job for most of my life).I get to help kids learn (valuable).I get to be in social situations (uncomfortable, avoided).I get to dress in business casual (need to find my style).Close to home (great for saving on car maintenance).I get to keep my noon meetings (precious).I even have time to hit the gym after meetings (briefly, but a good thing).I get to hear radio (nice! I love radio).I get paid well (best paid job in my life, and I've had many jobs).I get an income (wow).I get to pay my mom back for some money owed (great).I get to use some of my knowledge to help others with their learning (pay it forward).I get to decide when to take lunch break (pretty good).I get to be outside during the day when the sun is out (love this - hate working in doors and getting off when it's dark).Weekends off (what a concept considering my past jobs).I make more than I need (I will be able to not have to scrap by as I typically do).We'll see! (It may be temporary).  I get to learn that I can't do everything nor do I need to feel wrong for not being able to (this new responsibility they've brought me into could do me in - whatever's God's will.)