Christmas was nice.  I was fortunate to be able clean for mom and help her cook, who outdid herself as she did last year. She really is a gourmet cook.  She used all of Christina Ferrari's recipes as shown on Oprah this year. We had my cousin who is also a recovering alcoholic over, and he's doing wonderfully.  He's connected with us since his mom died this year and the rest of his family (except one of his brothers), his two brothers, are way out there in their addiction - I remember on their dad's memorial service when I had one month sober, they were all using or drunk.  It was really sad to see.  I was developing some new tools going through that without drinking or using. My mom's friend who is also my friend joined us which was so nice to visit with her.  I'd worked for her cleaning a year or two ago and we'd gotten close, and it was really nice. When my bro in law came for the kids after my sis left, since they're separated, I went inside and cried, and cried later.  It is so hard.  My sis already has a new ring on her ring finger a week after her new love (an old flame from her teen years) has gotten out of a 10 year stay in prison and moved in with her and the kids that night.  I am trying not to judge or expect anything from her.  It is very hard as I have watched her not grow relationally towards the family members and this is just so hard that she is choosing this man in her life and sort of has little to do with the rest of her family.  It's just hard.  No one but me and mom's friend noticed the ring, and we didn't say anything.  The new elephant in the room.  Dad has no clue about this guy.  I dropped off a gift of a recovery book for him - sis originally asked me if I could help refer him to meetings.  No word was mentioned about it - I'd given it to my nephew.  Anyway it is time to Mind my own business. All I want to do is quit this job I've been given which I am off for a week or two and it is a very uncomfortable feeling to be in a position that I have been given responsibility for that is basically insanity by a supervisor who doesn't know the position and just fired a man who was in the position for years because these new responsibilities were not something he was unable to do, either.  SIGH. The day girl is doing them but since she uses devious means I'm not sure what is going on.  Besides, night school students are just in a different boat maybe with work and a life that keeps them from being in school during the day.  These students I've taught usually only do homework if given time in class and do not read their textbooks or study and here it is my responsibility that they complete this study plan independently because they come into the student center where I work a half hour a week.  This is barely enough time for them to figure out how to log in.  Anyway.  Yeah it's affecting my serenity.  I need to reread You can't make me angry (for the fifth time - not done learning yet.) Well I did show up for the 11th step guided meditation meeting I lead on Christmas night.  I was impressed people were there.  About 1/3 walked out in the beginning (about 5, leaving about 8), including Mr Used to be "new" after he'd made it a point to tell me he'd be there.  I knew he wouldn't have the attention span to listen to me guide people through this very deep level of meditation, because he never paid attention to me.  So I was relieved he left.  Those who stayed gave me extremely positive feedback about how much they liked it!  Neato.  I found the format on the internet.  Someone mentioned that we should start  a meeting like this - they are not for everyone.  Anyway Mr Used to be left a messagel ater saying sorry people walked out and making excuses for why he did - apparently other people started a meeting in the 2nd room.  If they didnt' want to be there I'd rather they left.  I was also glad those who stayed benefited.  I too was so relaxed even from being the guide.  I was more relaxed in the 10 or 15 minutes total of the guided meditation including 5 minutes of silence, moreso than the 2 hours I laid in bed and dreaded my job. My temporary job is going great.  I do enjoy it and do it seasonally a few years now.  I had an old friend who is also a volunteer there (as am I, leading to the position) anyway he was there yesterday and we have a history as roomates in two big cities across CA.  I met him as I became a roomate with a mutual friend of ours years ago, who was in town for the holiday and showed up, and we all went for lunch.  I'd only seen this friend once in the summer in the last 10 or so years. These 2 guys and me were like peas in a pod for a time and it was a fun time.  They have no idea I've quit drinking and smoking pot, which I did in large amounts with them. It hasn't come up.  It was good to spend time with them, and when my dear friend left I started to cry and told him I missed him.  I've become rather anti-social, my nights with mom and TV and my companion puppy. It beats spending time with an abusive man. I saw one of my ex bf's biggest "cheerleader" friends and went to give her a hug.  She immediately brought him up and that he'd asked if she's seen me, and she said she's "seen" me as if it doesn't mean much.  I told her I'm not speaking to him right now, I'm sorry as I kind of recoiled and walked away.  I don't need to make his friends my friends.  I hated that about being with him, with some of his friends it was like I came with the package and they had to be nice to me because he was that kind of guy, intimidating, someone everyone loved.  I don't have to do that anymore. I walked away and I started to cry.  Whatever it struck in me just hurt. I don't like having a resentment towards him.  I think I handled it ok.  I certainly don't want her getting tabs on me to go back and feed them to him.