Little room for pause, and getting ahead of myself. Business! Missing coming here a lot. Dad is fixed to the home computer doing his online gambling. I started training for position in the student center/computer lab at the school, while teaching last week of math class. Several students on probation are failing so could get kicked out of school after final exam today. They are getting the grade they earned, and I am more than fair. Sigh. I cannot control the outcome of what they do in the class, I can only do my part, and if they don't do theirs, they have to suffer the consequences. It's really hard for me. I am worried about when I am doing the seasonal temporary position for one month at the radio station where I volunteer. It's upcoming in the next couple weeks. I love it, but combining that with the evening position I was just offered, then they fired the guy I'm replacing, at the computer lab at the school, I will be busy. I'll haveto figure out and have to deal with attending meetings in the morning or not at all. I am under a lot of stress. Maybe when the class finishes tonight I can take a breather. I need to be here now. My counselor was sick, after I got up early and rushed here. But it did give me an hour of "chill" time I truly needed, and I got to go online and connect with some people. I have an assignment to write my strengths which I got to do. Our sessions are almost done. This is difficult. I need to reach out. I got connected with an old friend through someone I saw at the High school reunion. I haven't seen her since college. She is going to be in town and wants to connect w/ me and a couple other local friends, who were very close to me years ago, who are local, but who I see in passing and barely say much to. It is awkward for me. Turns out I'll be working till 10pm those nights, anyway. I'd rather see her individually instead of in a group because I feel so dissassociated from those two girls, who were my closest friends years ago. Time to get out my writing amends folder since one of those girls is on my list and the other one, I realize, needs to be, and look at MY part in the dysfunction of the situation. I am so grateful for my AA meetings. I don't know what I'd do if I had to rely on MA, because they are far away, and I feel there is more recovery at AA - it is an older program w/ more old timers. I don't know, AA is just purer - MA is from AA, so I don't know? I guess I am more connected to the people I see regularly, and that happens to be at AA. I still identify more with being an addict than an alcoholic, but I am both, which gets confusing. I got to lead the womens meeting yesterday and share my experience, strength and hope. It is always intersting, and often brings up feelings of inadequacy - did I share "right"? That's ego, and I don't NEED ego. Monday I went to see a great author and radio Christian counselor Stephen Arterburn. I got to be on the air years ago and he has really helped change my life. www.newlife.com It was so cool. They had an open house in Laguna Beach. Anyway, I am proud of myself for taking myself. For years I have read his books and and the books from their ministry and loved the counseling they offer people on the radio. They have helped me in so many ways, with boundaries, love addiction, avoiding mr wrong, many good books and advice.