I'm proud of myself.  Nearly all communication between staff at work is by email.  I responded to boss about what my plans were for here and if I want more hours, that I feel the extra prep work hours go unpaid and are too many to take on a 2nd class.  She asked me last week if I'd take over a computer class that day - I've never even taken one myself, and the youth these days should be teaching me!  Anyway that took courage.  I know a job is not worth my life or serenity and this job has been majorly challenging for me.  I don't know, I know times are so tough.  I told her during the next class session I'm doing a seasonal temporary position and my availability will be limited to evenings, when they usually have me teach anyway.  So I don't know!  I'm not going above and beyond because I have boundary issues and I need to learn to care for me before I can care for others.Real interesting conversation with Sis, how similar we are in respect  to some of our shortcomings of codependency and love addiction, though she doesn't have the knowledge or addressing of the issue I do, and I was talking to her about it.  Real interesting.  A bridge to a distant relationship that is quite nice if a little disconcerting. I did some work out of Iyanla Van Zant's book on "In the meantime".  I learned so much. I want to share.  She suggests to meditate on the rhythm of your breath a few minutes, ask spirit, light and love to come in, ask the voices in your head to be quiet, ask the question and wait for the answer, then write it down and study it.  The questions she suggested and the answers I came up with... "What do I do next in my life?"Go now and forever change your mind that you will be one with light, spirit and love. "How did I get here?"You found yourself with the opportunity to make choices you have never had in your life, and you chose to make them and became unenlightened. "What choices did you make or failed to make?"You became dominating, submissive and morbid.  You became part of the problem instead of the anser.Refuse to give energy to the problem.  Identify it and get out (in relationships). "What was I trying to accomplish in making that choice?"To solve problems to heartache.  To heal heartache to past. "What I really want is..." (list these from the answers received, in 3 - 5 words. To choose enlightenment.To be in the anser.To give energy to the answer.To get out of others problems.To solve and heal heartache. This is getting clear in my INTENTION. It is a great book.

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deleted_user
deleted_user

It\'s great that you were able to connect with your sister. I hope that understanding builds a bridge for you both to come closer together on! ((hugs))
deleted_user
deleted_user

Thanks for all that you do... and you kind words...I am still grieving and watched TV at home ( the 7% solution) on one of my days off... I did some meditating and went outside and sat in the sun (smoked a cigar for my mom and all the folks that have gone to the other side)and just called some male friends and sponsors ... I think am getting survivor syndrome
I love those ideas you shared
To choose enlightenment.
To be in the anser.
To give energy to the answer.
To get out of others problems.
To solve and heal heartache.

my next book I want to read is the shack

I also did a CBT thing while sitting in the sun I wanted to share with you since you are an observable shooting star on road up the mountain of recovery

I got still (meditated) and imaged every person that ever loved me coming to be with me on the beach in my safe spot inside my mind and was again overwhelmed by the number and the faces there for me

I learned this idea at a week long training for trauma sensitivity

the CBT excercise blew me away as I had people coming to the beach for over 2 days
thanks for sharing I continue to learn
Peace