Today was the 3rd day of my monthly 3 day juice/veggie/fruit fast.  I am not perfect about it, and caved at dinner time and had some homemade bread and a stuffed pepper and some chocolate cake.  I do love this fast, it is so healing.  I said no to having a talk with Mr Now over lunch today.  We have continued to argue, and he sort of softened up as I sent some mixed signals.  He's aware he's insensitive and not a good listener, and on Friday when we tried to talk, I said why should I wait around for him to change when my feelings are getting hurt?  He asked why they were hurt, and was reading the sports page when I was talking to him about it, and said he'd rather talk about something else. I know he must have a hard time with jealousy in that it is over him not respecting my boundary to please not talk about my ex, as he can be a gossip.  Whole thing sounds unhealthy. Counselor says it's suggested in abusive relationships to not enter another one soon because I haven't changed enough or grown enough to see a new one for what it is - she says the guys I am finding are versions of my ex.  She also said we only have a few sessions left - it's free and I've been there for most of the last year, and they are there to help me with domestic violence issues (including emotional and verbal abuse).  Anyway I cried, as the last time she had to set me free years ago - this is the third time I've had her over the past 6 years, and she's helped a lot.  I am learning to reread my journal entries and connect with the feelings the situation is presented me with.  It does seem a lot easier to let go with some closure between Mr Now and I - I did tell him yesterday I realize I am part of the problem - and that is where my solution lies, I can only change myself, even if that is just STAYING AWAY.  He's contradictory, and my boundaries are not real firm.  I told him I care about him and we've used the LOVE word, casual at times between friends sometimes, probably not the best situation to use it in. Today I got a call from an old aquaintance asking about a meeting, and he asked if I've talked to my ex, and I said the less I hear about him the better, that I don't want anything to do with him.  That didn't feel real good. I was able to talk to him later and apologized and said I care about my ex very much, I just need no contact because it is so painful and hard.  He said he understood both times.  Anyway OK.   I did tell him I heard he moved out of state.  My ex gets in a bad way and cuts people off, and apparently he's done this to this aquaintance of ours.  I still wonder why he doesn't call.