Thank you all for the overwhelming support here as I reach out while my dad is ill.  He's slowly getting better.  I found some stuff on the internet.  One of the causes of hemolysis (breaking down of red blood cells) was mentioned (G6PD) originally by the Dr's, but disregarded because it's genetic and he's had a sudden onset.  When I looked up hemolysis and anemia, I saw something startling - people with this rare genetic enzyme deficiency that affects their blood (G6PD) can get hemolysis if they eat fava beans, and it's also called "favism".  Guess who made fava beans we ate the few days in a row prior to his illness?  My mom made them for the first time.  Anyway so the Dr understood. It affects mediterrainian men.  He was familiar with it, so they were able to find the rare hemolysis condition & we were able to discover the even more rare "favism" condition dad obviously has.  So he's a little better.  He still has hemolysis and anemia and his jaundice appears to be clearing up and his urine is still dark, from the bilirubin which is something that (I don't know - bile type stuff, it's not blood) but seemingly getting more normal.  They are giving him blood and folic acid, they are treating him well, and his energy is slowly coming up a little.  I think he'll get through this, and they've extensively tested him and ruled out quite a bit of types of cancer, so YAY.  It looks like he'll live to 65 (his birthday's Friday) even though he may be hospitalized.  It's been good to be there for him and mom.  He is relieved to get to the solution.  He said his mom told him as a boy he couldn't eat cerain beans, so who knows if he's had problems before (he doesn't know).  What is favism? Check out http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-favism.htm Ok so Mr Now had his 40th bday party last night and it was me and him and his mom at a restaurant (Dave and Busters) which has games.  It was interesting.  His brothers and roomate didn't show.  I got more knowledge of him, more good with the bad.  Why does such good have to be with such bad?  Big red flags, and I can't change him. It doesn't look good and my codependency and boundary issues leave me feeling a little stuck, also wanting to deny the red flags, wanting to people please, as obviously he's into me (or should I say the IDEA of me, because I need to stop being a YES girl and be real and read my New Assertive Woman book).  And then I think of the good.  Anyway I need to be true to me and if he doesn't like it I still need to be true to me because the truth always comes out, and better sooner than later.  I'm feeling not completely comfortable with this. In the meantime a real good class at counseling on BOUNDARIES. So interesting and applicable and helpful, with affirmations.  I am so glad to be getting that help.  I was the only one who showed for the group.  I was grateful to have the attention and feedback. The ex called today - from an out of state #.  Mr Now had seen him at a meeting recently and told me he said he was moving out of state - he also said this back in February and that "sucked me back in" after I'd asked him not to contact me - I contacted him then.  He said he was moving but then I heard from people that he didn't mention it, and I felt so CONNED.  He got a good job offer (tattooist).  It is a sad shock that he's gone so far, and may think I hate him.  I don't.  Maybe he'll be back. Anyway.  As soon as I realized who was on the phone - click.  My aunt lives in the same area so I know the area code, but didn't realize who could be calling.  He's gone.  That means I can go to our home meetings - only I don't want to, because they're still HIS and he was so popular and I don't want to hear the gossip of how he's gone or he's so great or whatever, maybe even if it's all in my mind.  I just want to distance myself from his croud it is ok.  I'll peek in eventually It does take time to get to know people.  Obviously he is unstable and add to that mental illness and active addiction and it just multiplies.  I am proud of myself for hanging up, as hard and cold as it is.  I am doing my 60 day HETOX suggested from "Iit's called a breakup because it's broken" book, and I am nearly through - I'd have had to start the time over. One thing I haven't done that the book suggested is to rearrange my room and organize - something I need to do desperately.  Baby steps.  A little makeover is the works too.  I'd like to take a day to pamper and maybe put on a temporary hair color and do a facial and my nails.  It's been too long since I've treated myself like that (the last facial I gave was to my ex - his first one - and he LOVED it.) Thanks DS friends for your words of support and wisdom and for you and your shares. HUG