I got very upet reading from my diaries from a year ago, and reading about the emotional abuse from my ex, and how he denied it. I read about people saying he shared personal things about me in our home AA meeting, where I stopped attending basically back then. It is still hard. Then I think about this current guy I am hanging out with, and his lack of boundaries with keeping things private. He even said that when we say "who you see here, what you hear here, let it stay here" at 12 step meetings, that that is BS. I said no it isn't. Maybe in his croud, there is a lot of gossip. I'm feeling stuck already, just like I felt stuck with my ex, but in a totally different situation. He's kind of needy. He asks me days ahead if I can do this or that. Basically he has asked me to help him type papers, and I said yes, only now I'm feeling obligated. I don't feel ready for a girlfriend role - even though he has even said he would not try to take advantage of me if we went out of town together, like he is putting no pressure whatsoever for sex, which is VERY refreshing. And he's never been married nor had kids either, which is nice. And he wants kids, which is kind of neat. His bday party is Tuesday, and I feel like I will hang in there. I need to be EMOTIONALLY HONEST. I just feel that was crazy after our first kiss to ask me to go steady - what am I thinking? He is not someone I want to take with me to meetings - I did that with my ex, and it was not healthy. I need to have that talk with him, that it's suggested to go to seperate meetings from your partner. Anyway that's where I am at, and I am sticking to it. I have a need for boundary healing myself, and as long as I keep working on myself, I am in the solution. I have to learn to be honest about where I am at. To think I spent a year off and on with breakups with a confirmed denied abuser, who even accused me of being the abuser, is totally insane and lets me know just how I really need to go easy on myself and be honest about where I am at, because no, it is not all that as much as I'd like to imagine or pretend at times.
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Trust that your HP/God will reveal more to you. Trust the Promises, my favorite is \"we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to bother us.\" Blessings of PEACE.
I also sometimes get struck dumb at the sadness of my past situations. The whole \"Why didn\'t I see thru it?\" thing. I guess that\'s part of growing and learning, but some ignorance is hard to swallow.
You ARE doing fantastically though, all things considered! It\'s great that you realize your problems with setting boundaries--I find myself \'stuck\' in relationships b/c I don\'t know how to end them without hurt feelings--so these are lessons I definitely need to learn myself.
I have found that it\'s almost always best to be frank and honest, even though it\'s extremely hard sometimes! If there is to be anything between you and Mr. New, it has to be built on complete understanding. Be brave and good luck! You will be glad for it later--building that inner strength!!
Big hugs!!
It\'s hard but maybe a good reminder to read those old journals from the past. I know how that is with the abuser when they shift the blame back on to you or say that you are the one with the problem, they are called crazymakers. I worry about that guy if you already feel difficulty with being straightforward with him, is it like he does not listen to you, or HEAR you? Sometimes we feel like we\'re being crystal clear and the other person is hearing what they want to they aren\'t really hearing you. You might want to try asking him to repeat back to you what you said (if it gets to that point). That is nice he does not have the baggage of an ex or children! Bonus Points! and that he might want kids in the future, points for that too. He may just have a strong personality. It may not be bad. But I agree with you, it\'s good to keep boundaries and not go to the same meetings. Best wishes to you on this