Friday night I'd dreamed of me and this guy, that I was driving from the passenger seat, and pulling out and backed up and we fell into a deep dark hole in the earth.  Anyway through emails this weekend I told him about it, since I'd dreamed his mom, who I never met, made brownies and told him a couple weeks ago and when he got home, she'd made brownies (!)  (I often have premonition dreams so it isn't the hugest deal, still rather intersting). Yesterday he asked me if I thought about my dream, yes, then I told him I can't date, and I need friends, and not with someone who wants to get into a sexual thing.   He said "that's you" and I said I'm in between a rock and a hard place, and I excused myself. I could have been nicer, like telling him I do like him...  I think he knows that, or hopes he does. I don't want to give mixed signals and I don't want to "check up on him" - he left the meeting early shortly thereafter that conversation we had at the break.  OF course I feel bad, but I couldn't let him be "pushy" about wanting to get physical with me, and I couldn't continue to get close to someone like that because it's my pattern - forego reaching out to female friends for a guy I'm not real into but who gives me attention and wants more.  Anyway whatever.  I think I'll avoid our mutual meeting for today to  give him some space, kinda sucks but it seems the right thing to do...  maybe.  I don't know! I feel between work and meetings I sure need to build myself a bigger life. I had 3 difficult conversations yesterday and was exhausted.  That one with him.  Dad finally saw the dent on my car he's sold to me but not yet transferred into his name, and he got upset, or I got more upset with him and I was so defensive and the drama queen - not real good "program" representative at that time.  He wanted me to call the armored car company that caused the collision, a month later, so I made the call despite some tears. I also talked to his bro, my Greek uncle, who I haven't talked to in over 15 years.  I started to cry but he didn't know it.  I owe amends to that side of my family, who I got to visit when I was 20 in 91 and it was wonderful.  I haven't seen him since then, but we visited when I was a kid and he also used to live with us.  So I said I was sorry for not staying in touch, not a real amends but atleast a start, and I asked him to say hi to my aunt and cousins.  Sigh.