I went to my 20th High School reunion last night. I was so nervous, I almost left. I sat in the car with the radio until the place filled up a bit. It was nice, everyone was nice. I was slow in recognizing people. It is such a trip to see someone after 20 years, not to mention a room full of them. Some people I'd known since Jr High or Elementary school - that was neat. Anyway I am so glad I went - I knew if I didn't, I'd regret it. One of my friends who I wanted to see, but didn't think would be there because she lives out of state, is in touch with someone who came up and asked about me for her - that was neat. Maybe I'll hear from her? I said I have the same address as I did in high school ( rare - that's what happens when you live with your parents! ) I spent Friday afternoon with Mr I don't know. I am feeling a bit upset - he kind if lays it on thick with the wanting to get frisky vibe - and it's way too soon and creepy, and I overlook it because I'm invested as I feel I'm getting close to him, and I'm lonely and vulnerable. I have the conversation in my head when I'm in bed at night that "I'm not ready to date and I'm not comfortable with being pressured to have sex" or something like that, and in the daytime I miss him and he is the person I would tend to reach out to - after only just about a week of hanging out - I am already attached. I'm not sure what I will do. I like that I don't want to be treated as a sex object - anyone who is already telling me they hope it leads to sex after this short time is just wanting something superficial that I am N O T into. I accidentally drove by the coffee shop I used to go to with my ex, and saw him outside. I was tired and it occured to me I ought not take that route, then I realized I was on it. It's upsetting. He's always wearing the shirts I bought for him when I happen to see him. It's hard to bridge the gap between the closeness I once shared with him and the desire to have him L E A V E M E A L O N E. He left another message the next day - I deleted it without listening. My job ended - all my students got A's or B's! The class survey comments were not the greatest - at least they did well in the class. The student who had been mostly absent and was failing got the highest grade on the final - motivation! I got offered to teach a couple students the psychology class on independent study - less hours, but still I get to work there, for now. I am trying to be grateful for this. The supervisor doesn't really seem to do the best job, as the students names he gave me, well I talked to one of them that night and he didn't know anything about it - I am supposed to meet with them Monday, and was told they'd been told. Whatever! This has me stressed, what about the other girl? I can do my job but I am tired of having to make up for other incompetent people - OK I am not handling this real well. This too shall pass. I need to not make big things out of little things.
Replies
You are brave-going to your high school reunion. I don\'t have the guts to do it! So glad you could meet up with old friends and hope you get to reconnect with that old friend of yours who lives out of state. I too have the same address as I had in highschool-yes that is what happens when you live with your parents-oh well!! Sounds like you have been a successful teacher-with so many students getting A\'s and B\'s. I agree with your comment at the end-have to stop making big things out of little things. You are so wise!!:0)
I too am glad you went to your reunion.
I have to go back and re read some of your journals regarding this new gentleman. Stay well.
Question: Do you teach in a high school.
Blessings.
yes i think its great that u went! im not certain i would have been able to myself.
and i gotta say CONGRATES on the whole -erasing the message without listening to it_ now thats PROGRESS, my dear!! (and still i kno that its not easy even now) but ur doing great! im so proud and happy for ya--God bless~~~
good for you on your students getting A\'s and B\'s, that says a LOT about you! I don\'t get why they didn\'t say positive things but they just must be young.
I know what you mean about missing him and seeing him wearing the clothes you bought him, you\'re a sweet and tender person. I wish he\'d just let you move forward and leave you alone. I also hear you about the other guy, you\'re not ready for what he is but it is nice to make some kind of connection. I hope this gets better for you. I\'m glad that you had a good time at your 20-year! That\'s great, very nice. Hope you have a good monday - peace, chels
You should have worn a blonde wig and told everyone you invented Post-Its!! :P I\'m looking forward to my 10 year reunion next year--I bet it\'s cool seeing all those people.
You really are looking at this Mr. I don\'t know thing logically in the sense that you know you aren\'t ready for a relationship or sex. If he\'s pushing for it when you know you aren\'t ready, then maybe it\'s time to let him know this. At least that way, if he moves on, then you know what he was in it for---and if he hangs around, maybe you can build up something great. Don\'t hang on out of loneliness though--I know that\'s hard--but sometimes break up recovery needs the \'alone time.\'
And it\'s not a little thing about your job--when other people don\'t do their jobs, it\'s going to make yours harder, and there\'s nothing wrong with being irritated by it. I\'d definitely call and address the situation with the supervisor--maybe it\'ll save the next person from undergoing the same ordeal. Big hugs!!