I am continuing to not hear from the ex which is painful but necessary to move on. I am sad about the loss of our fellow in AA - his sponsor, who was surprizingly well known for his writing.  I am sad I have to live w/ having been unkind to my ex the day he heard the news about his sponsor's suicide.  It is just sad.  I know I can't be there for my ex in the abuse of the relationship, and in trying when his sponsor died, I just did more harm than good. I had heard from his sponsor, who just died, about a year ago.  I'd called 911 on my ex when he'd threatened to hang himself, taking it seriously, and he got taken away into a psychiatric hospital for a few days.  His sponsor called me to thank me so much for doing that. And now he's hung himself.  It is all so Sad. And ironic. I found out my psych class is the last one - for now, but subject to change.  I am ok with it.  That means after 2 weeks I am eligible to attend staff meetings every other week or so, observe other teachers to get my skills up, and possibly sub, but not have a work schedule.  I will probably call the temp agency.  I truly miss doing background acting which I've done off and on for many years - it's been a year.  I am having overheating problems with my car - the new cooling fan needs attention, at it appears to have already stopped working.  I will be surprized if an independent study or class doesn't come up afterall in the meantime, as this workplace is notoriously full of constant change. The class is doing well - 2 people geting C's, the rest A's and B's.  I do like teaching something from my field - it is NEAT. Today I spent the day away from home, and thought I'd stop in to see a friend at his shop for 5 minutes - we always blab and I was there 1 1/2 hr.  I kinda like him - I've always sort of had a crush on him, and we actually have a lot in common.  He's older. Anyway it just feels kind of neat to be able to have a feeling, even if I don't act on it.  I  do have that goal to reach out to women friends - but I am so grateful for my male friends because sometimes that is who I have to reach out to.   I am trying to avoid that - oh well.  Progress not perfection. I heard from a friend I met years ago when I worked in the bar - I let him get me high in the bathroom when we met, so obviously felt comfortable with him right away (or I was driven by my addiction and/or drunk -- probably all of the above.)  We've remained friends and he has quit smoking pot, too, and is doing superbly well - I cant tell you what a neat feeling it is to have someone who I used to use with who is clean too and enjoying life, and doing so much better, and to revel in our mutual "success".  We could have never had these lives will still ruled by marijuana use. It is truly neat.  He moved back to the area so I hope to visit him.