It was a very tough yesterday.  I feel traumatized by hearing my ex has a girlfriend.  It brings up so many of my issues I need to deal with - feeling ok about myself, isolation, jealousy, trouble reaching out, inappropriate attatchments, being hooked on him as a sex partner, my own lack of social skills and trouble making friends.  Ugly, painful stuff.  Not dealing real well with it, not doing any writing on it (yet) which is sponsor's suggestion which gets me in the sollution.  Wallowing in it and just overwhelmed by my response to the whole thing, as it was just such a traumatic episode for me, whether or not anyone understands.   I guess I did find things in him I admired that I could work on developing in me - and that easy friendly reaching out to people is something we are quite opposite on.  (I'd still rather be me).  This is just so hard for me, and I think, what was I thinking?  He was totally promiscuous before me, of course his goal is to look for someone - I am just not handling it well and I don't ever in all my relationships have dealt with the person moving on before I have - well I guess I have a couple times and it truly is such a hard thing for me.  I don't want this but it's happening so I have to accept it and that is how I deal with it, I guess.  I am having a hard time feeling emotionally played by him as I was starting to miss him and enjoy the attention, then to find out he was in a relationship, it was just so emotionally cruel, which is how he is, so why am I surprized???????????????????????????????  So today on the way to Al Anon at the meeting place where I used to go with him, I saw him sitting there outside at Starbux like he used to, and his close relative who I used to talk to about him... I drove on.  Oh I thought about waving or even yelling or flipping him off, all these responses. I minded my own business.  It was so hard to see him and still feel that attachment and miss him.  Though he tried to call dozens of times Saturday, he hasn't tried since, though there's no way of knowing if he's texting because I blocked all texts. I ate a lot of sugar since this episode which I am sure is related to  the self destructive thoughts.  I used ice cream and isolated yesterday basically.  Today was back to work and this is sort of a saving grace for me, as when I get into the material and the lesson planning and the homework and assignments, I can let go of thoughts of him or us or me and do a little healing and get paid for it and be of service at work. I am lucky about that, though my attitude could improve. I went to the gym today to do my jacuzzi routine, which was long overdue. I'm still having self destructive thoughts.  I think the sugar from all the cookies and ice cream don't help. I am really struggling with not going to get more ice cream tonight (I ate a quart last night).  Then I justify, oh at least I'm not doing other self destructive things, this seems ok.  I am just having such a hard time about it. I'm not talking about it (the ex) to anyone because I feel I don't have people I can really reach out to, which is probably, surely, BS.  I did try to stop by a friends today, no answer.  And one friend did call me back but I was busy.  God please help. I didn't hear from Mr New all weekend.  He seemed disappointed I blocked my text msg feature when I told him Friday.  I said my ex boyfriend was being relentless contacting me and blocking txts was a long time coming and would save me a lot of heartache.  He asked if he himself was my ex boyfriend, that it sounded like that's what he does.  I said no and I hadn't heard from him all week.  (?)  Then I had to get off the phone and I am just annoyed.  I am sure my anger is waiting to leak or leap out at the first opportunity.  The gym helps, walks helps, probably yoga would help, meditaton and reading and sleep help.  Ice cream and TV and going here seem to help.  God.  I don't know how I am going to get through this I just know I probably need to do something different.