A lot of crying.  So my ex has been texting, and he has laid it on pretty thick as far as bringing back that "loving feeling" anyway so he mentions his GIRLFRIEND is picking him up (apparently from the hospital)  and I cry and cry and cry and text him he has a lot of F--ING nerve (and I rarely curse) to text me like he did when he has a girlfriend and to not let me know, and that he's moved on and I haven't, and to leave me the F___ alone to heal and to stop hurting me, and that was mean. My sponsor likens our relationship to measles and that I got used to it, which hurts.  I guess I tend to isolate more  because I only reach out when things are bad so people don't tend to believe it wasn't all BAD - why would I mourn the loss of something that was ALL BAD?  So she is the person who took my call.  I don't know I tried to call a few girlfriends and the one who I could have talked to I just backed out because that issue of not feeling understood that this is LOSS for me.  God is giving me a red light which is ok.  I guess there are many reasons for the pain, including the lack of emotional compassion he continues to display, and why why why do I expect different?  And he moves on so quick - ok maybe not completely since he's still holding onto me in a way.  That is something he had that I lacked - the friendliness and outgoingness and easily makes friends.  I also have some jealousy there.  And I guess just a sense of failure that I couldn't make it work (I know that's irrational). So I FINALLY removed my text message feature completely to  block them ALL out.    I  called the few people who text me to let them know, including Mr New, who doesn't have a clue when I say it will save me a lot of heartache with the ex.  I didn't feel like talking to him.  At first I liked how he asked me about myself, now he tends to go on and on and we really don't have things in common as far as our basic interests, and I am glad I got off the phone. So I am coping by crying and thinking about not wanting to be here, which I know is sick.  I mean as a sober person 3 1/2 years I did not want to be sober through these painful feelings.  Good thing is I erased his number out of my phone with taking the texts out, and I'm not trying to engage in arguing or explaining my hurt feelings, which goes nowhere with him.  I am coming on here to express this.  It is so hard for me.  I basically cleaned and pulled tons of weeds and cry and I just have to feel this and this too shall pass.  It is just the thought of not wanting to be here that lets me know I need to find some better ways to cope and some friends.