I'm real grateful to be in counseling. It is helpful to have developed a trusting relationship with her- it has not always been that way. I sure have issues I need help to deal with, and I feel some hope there. Well even though I was at work only about 5 or 6 hours, it is so tiring for me. Teaching is still new for me. My sis works there, and she said it is good I got some extra hours - I said I don't want any more, that one class is overwhelming for me. So I did two today - it was OK. I get some gratification from teaching, and I'm not really nervous about speaking in public - at least to them. To my peers, other faculty there, is another story. I didn't want to go to the faculty meeting with a motivational speaker  because I just want my 3 day weekend - Oh Well. I was pleasantly surprized for the most part and quite inspired and motivated :)  It feels good to make some work friendships - why do I tend toward the men?  I seem to get on more friendly with men?  Is it me? My head gives me a long list of "complaints" about the workplace, that are legitimate... but keep me from seeing the BLESSINGS. It is truly good for my mind to learn this stuff, good for my self esteem to be able to actually teach and transmit this stuff to others, for my self worth to do a job that is important. I am making good pay per hour compared to my typical wage. Anyway it beats working at that bar I felt stuck in for so many years, even though that had it's upside at times. I wouldn't trade my past for anything, mostly. So I took the dog on a pretty long walk last night and binged on ice cream. With the first week of class I have not felt real hungry or eaten much. Cereal, maybe a protein bar and a baked potato with cheese, and maybe a little fruit. That's about it this week. Which is actually good for me. But no wonder I crave ice cream, when I am not getting a good diet throughout the day, especially at breakfast. Maybe nerves with new class left me not wanting to eat much.  Well I guess I have some loss to deal with. Mr New is appearing rather not as favorable in my eyes as far as someone to get closer to now. And I need to reach out to my women friends. And my ex, well it would have been real easy to try to run into him as his nice and caring side has come out recently, but no, I need to process that loss, absolutely! It is the dread of feeling the loss that kept me going back, and the comfort of the affection. I don't have to do that anymore. There is surely loss. I am grateful for reading this book "In the meantime" by Iyanla Vanzant, that seems to speak to me... as I have some healing to do before I am ready to have a relationship, which is what the book's about. My car part I just got fixed a month ago is seeming not to work, the cooling fan, so I noticed the car overheating. I'll take it back in when I get paid next week. I guess I need to be grateful I have some money to do this and Dad's car to borrow freely for a bit here as they're out of town.  It has been good for me to have some alone time at home, and I remember I do like living alone. I am real grateful for my canine companion. I wish I budgeted my time better to get more done around here lately. Ex asked me to come visit him today in a text - I have stuff on my list to do - laundry, clean, wash car, garden, bake cookies for womens meeting tomorrow... I can do this one day at a time - I am tempted, angered and sadened - loneliness and loss and hurt from the whole experience with him.