New class is so much different from the last I had- completely different environment.  It's all a learning experience.  I went in w/out much nervousness.  I do need to come up with more material to fill the time properly.  It felt good to get and be prepared today.  They were so well behaved compared to my last class. I got asked to help out another teacher and all these temporary changes happened where they were going to change teachers and combine 2 classes and blah blah blah but it all worked out for the best with the original teacher keeping the class, though she'll arrive late so I'll get them started - more experience and more time paid for me. Well I am this week sending a text here and there to the ex.  I don't know.  He broke his arm.  I guess I am not over him.  I guess it is an attempt to be civil or just have some sort of comfort different from keep the hell away from me.  I don't know. I have some pet peeves about Mr New.  I notice he has some little passive aggressive issues and his attitude in some areas is really lacking.  He does have a great understanding about the AA program and recovery which I really truly appreciate, and he is sweet and cute and is a friend.  I am just hoping I don't get stuck thinking this has to go somewhere.  Sometimes I think he says what people want to hear instead of his truth, and I guess this is common, I guess I just don't appreciate it.  I am not feeling so trusting. A close male friend asked me to go out as friends some time and I have a bit of a sinking feeling like that male interest ulterior motive is finally coming our after years of friendship.  I tend to feel the trust disappear on my part when an effort is made to attempt more than friendship from my male friends I know deep in my heart I need to have female friendships. I don't know about this job.  I spend all day an the night before preparing for what - a couple hours of class.  And on to the next day for more of the same.  I'm sure after the first time you have the class the preparation is far less.  It's just that they give you ALL their gen. ed. classes, not just the same one, so it's always getting prepared.  It's tiring.  I don't feel like I have much of a life  besides it - though thinking to back when I was using, at least I have this life that I do.  It is gratifying and I do learn a lot and help others.  I am growing in my position. A friend in  the MA program died.  He had recurring brain cancer. I'm sad I couldn't be there for him.  I have some shock. I am grateful my sponsor filled me in.  I am just sad - he had a lot to do with making sure I didn't leave my first meeting at the MA convention without having a plan to return to a regular meeting - and we ended up w/ the same home meeting.  I met him at my first MA convention event at the meet and greet.  I am grateful for his friendship.  I hope I can go to the service, that work doesn't interfere.