New psychology class starts tomorrow.  I have not prepared.  I plan to take some time tonight, or prepare to get started.  Being a teacher and getting paid 45 minutes per class day for preparation sort of keeps me from feeling like I am being fairly compensated for the work that I need to put into it to do a good job.  I justify it by saying it pays a lot better than other jobs if I look at it per hour. Honestly, with the few hours I receive, I can't live like this.  I think of it as I am six months in to the position and will look more closely at a year if this is something I want to continue.  Also, seeing the economy, why would I quit a job?  It seems so tough to find work out there. I am interested in the subject and passionate about sharing it.  I am pleased with the assistance available to me, and need to be resourceful about using it. I can do it. I went to a noon AA meeting over the weekend, my old home group. I got to spend time with Dick, the 93 year old oldimer with 59 years sober in the program.  He said we should get together and talk over lunch.  I was at a womens meeting Saturday and we saw eachother as I was leaving, and he suggested I stay for the nooners and sit with him.  I know he knows I am a bit rigid about not going there because I don't want to run into my ex, of whom Dick is a huge fan (my ex was a good representative of the program as far as how much he'd changed in a good way because of it). So I've been hearing from the ex in texts, and it does sound like he's doing a lot better and nearing 30 days clean.  I've felt tempted to see him or communicate, and decided today I could stay away "just for today".  A woman who helped me alot during our first breakup a year ago said she's moving back home.  I cried and told her she helped me so much.  She invited me to come stay with her and go to one of her meetings (it's about an hour away).  Our meetings will miss her so much.  It felt good to let myself cry and express myself. I went for a massage yesterday and it was good.  I asked for concentration on the shoulders and neck which I didn't really receive like I needed - it's never perfect, but it's a heck of a lot better than doing nothing.  It is such an important part of self care for me.  Mr New offered that I could get a massage from him.  I get mixed signals from him.  We walked in the foothills again.  I brought doggie.  We saw a deer.  We mostly sat amongst the trees and talked.  I felt some attraction.  I am learning I need to do some work on my sexuality with my counselor.  We don't kiss anymore, which is ok I guess.  I don't want a new man to be identified with.  I am still not over my ex.  I am learning more about him.  There are likeable things and things I want to recognize that, I don't think I'd want to live with that.  And it is ok. I went to my MA meeting yesteryday.  It's been months.  It was great to see a newcomer and be able to relate to her tears - I cried so much as a newcomer.  I was the one woman available as a sponsor, if she wanted.  It was nice to see people who care about me and who I care about.  I used to be so loyal to that meeting.  I live an hours drive away so people understand I have not made it a priority to go lately, but am able to now due to my car being in better repair at this time, so I have a goal of returning semi regularly, which will help my isolation tremendously. I am procastinating from preparing for class tomorrow.  I am excited.  I can be prepared a day at a time!  Please God give me the strength.  Even though it is labor day, I can spend an hour or two reading for this, and finish up later or in the morning. I went to Al Anon today and shared.  I get a lot of hope there.  Many women in the meeting have been attending for decades.  I am so grateful for that program. I have a movie about the Rolling Stones, Shine A Light, I want to watch tonight.  I have a big book meeting my friend who is moving will attend, and it may be the last time I'll see her for who knows how long.  I took a long nap today.  I am really enjoying having the house to myself.  I don't know what I am up to tonight, exactly.