My attitude is'nt so great.  An old friend (that one I had my last drink with) showed up to our volunteer work.  I am used to being alone here on a Saturday night, so you could say it took a little attitude adjustment on my part, as I always think of him as someone I want to bring out the best of myself for.  I realize how down and depressed I am.  We used to party and enjoy life.  I am learning how to enjoy life in sobriety - and a lot of that is solitary.  I am isolating and withdrawing quite a bit.  I feel like the only person who reaches out to me is Mr. New and I am feeling against attaching to another man - I am still dealing with the loss of my ex.  With my parents gone is when I usually had him come stay with me...  Movies are helping me cope.  Reading is helping. Doggie is a big help.  Coming here and having email to check helps.  I am sad.  I want a really really good cry - only some tears come out a little. I am overwhelmed by the work ahead of me this week - I will be working overtime with training (finally - 3 months later), filling in for someone, as well as doing my own class and preparing for the next psychology class that starts the following week.  Prayer is the only thing that gives me relief. I had a read vivid dream of smoking pot and putting heroin in it, and feeling high on the heroin, and liking it.  I didn't think of the pot being a relapse in  the dream, but realized the heroin was.  I knew I liked it and could be hooked.   I didn't use heroin - the dream was so real.  Before I asked for help from a sponsor, after I got clean and sober, I started to fantasize about it - the sick progression of addiction.  To know it is my ex's drug of choice, and having only known him in sobriety aside of his relapsing this year, I suppose this is hard for me to think about, especially when isolating and lonely. Using dreams are usually when we're having a hard time and going through stuff we would have used over... I guess as sobriety lasts longer, the things we'd use over start to narrow... I'm kinda avoiding Mr New and he isn't reaching out so much.  I don't know what I am doing.