I am proud of myself for attending a friend's memorial service even though my ex told me about her passing and I figured he'd be there.  He wasn't.  I cried.  She was schizophrenic and a member of AA and so loving and funny and outgoing.  She gave people a lot of love.  I cried.  I ended up hanging out with some of Robert's close friends, and started crying when I was letting him know what went on between us.  I feel I am mourning the loss.  And it's funny, as I  tell Mr New I am busy he is seeming more persistent/interested in seeing me.  I'm feeling rather rigid in my routine or independence, typically, probably knowing excuse is I am getting over someone and it is rather painful right now. Good for me going despite my fears.  Anyway I do wish him well.  I just know the more and more I talk to his loved ones the sicker I realize he is as far as the deception he lives in.  He's  telling me he's been strung out for two months and then taking a sobriety birthday chip in the meantime, I just don't know other than his words are NOT to be trusted even if he means well.  SIGH.  I guess I don't want his friends to hate me but that is there issue.  I just know like I said, I don't have to take his issues personally but there comes a time when I cannot be involved without getting hurt so I have to keep my distance, and I know it is hard for him and me.