Mom and Dad are heading to Greece next week (lucky!).  I have written a list of a few dozen free or nearly free things I can do to occupy my summertime.  I am low on cash, very low, but it is OK - bills are paid (though behind on rent - mom is landlord and she's not pushy about it).   I get to take care of some of her book keeping clients while she is out and it makes me feel great to be of service and do a living amends to her, and she appreciates it. Car is in better running condition than it has been in a long time.  I am attending daily meetings.  I am keeping to walking or swimming daily practically.  I am sleeping through the night without insomnia lately, neat.  I am doing an ok job as an independant study teacher.  My student is doing an ok job, too.  I don't know what will happen when this class ends in 2 weeks.  I am not prepared either way - if they give me another class or let me fend for myself until further notice.  The boss told me to keep good notebooks of the 2 classes because down the line I may get them again (I guess this is a good sign, or her letting me know she wants to include me in some future plans - but who knows if I have a class next time (they're 5 week classes). I am a little bugged by the new guy, just because he said he'd do something and didn't (asked my opinion on some resume and cover letter stuff, and just switched to someone elses opinion and never followed through).  So it brought up a lot of "not feeling heard" and stuff.  I know expectations are dangerous.  He is a pretty super guy overall.  I do need to know I don't know him all that well to have him earned my trust.  Trust is a big thing.  I would like to mention it to him. My self esteem has been low.  I've been beating myself up for certain mistakes.  I realize I have a lot of losses to process... aunt died, end of relationship, sis and husband split up, job unstable... I heard from the ex.  He left a message and said he wanted me to know a mutual aquaintance died.  I don't know if I'll attend the funeral,  I'm sure the main reason is because he'll probably be there.  It was weird to hear it from him, and to feel like I might not have heard it if it weren't for him "caring" to let me know.  I am rather too isolated.  My counselor thought he's doing it just to hook me and I believe it is him genuinely caring that I know.  He's funny like that.  He can be so very sweet.   I wondered if I could ask him to lend me money, which is an insane thought.  He was so generous, and is coming into a lot of money.  The new guy, when we went to lunch, I offered to pay for mine.  He didn't leave a tip so I did.  His not leaving a tip didn't impress me.  I wanted to pay for mine because I relied on my ex's generosity so much and I don't want to do that again - it's not healthy.  Otherwise, when I see him, we just take walks and those are free.  It's not like I'm high maintenance or anything, just that I don't want to rely on anyone like I did my ex on stuff like that.  I want to have my eyes wide open.  I'm thinking I may say no to another walk just to take some time for me.  I don't know.  I am having trouble trusting, and mourning the loss of my relationship. I think this woman I know wants me to sponsor her, an old school friend.  It will be an opportunity to let go of control and just be of service to God and show her the 12 steps and not try to "fix" her.  So many of us show up in AA or other programs in a bit of a mess all around.  I'm not God.  We'll meet next week.  I will try to focus on what step we're on and refer her elsewhere for other issues, and just  be patient and accepting.  We'll see how it goes. I have a better attitude about work.  Prayer helps a lot.  I'm a bit self conscious about being low on $ with Mom gone, as I don't borrow from anyone but her or the ex.  She offered to loan me some and I said NO.  I am looking forward to being creative and frugal - something I haven't had to do in the last year or so due to pretty dependable work. I took bags of stuff to Goodwill - it feels so good to free up a little much needed space.