I cried hard last night for the loss of my relationship, and the pain of it.  It feels like I haven't had these feelings yet since our last and apparently final breakup.  It has been a month and a half since I've spoken to him.   Today he sent me a text msg to please stay away from the evening meeting today that we used to attend together, thank you.  I haven't been there in months.  The last time I saw him at the noon meeting about a month ago, and I didn't talk to him, but minded my own business and let him come up to me afterward and he said "that was hard" and walked away.  Anyway, I just burst into anger and tears when I read his msg and wanted to vent at him, but called my sponsor instead, who reminds me he is sick, is trying to get a reaction from me, and the best thing is to ignore him and even delete his messages instead of reading them.  I don't know how much longer I can go before I remove my text message feature all together (that is the only way to block him.)  SIGH.  It hurt to be told not to go, and I just remember he is sociopathic and has no consideration for my feelings.   I had been feeling so unfocused all day and didn't know which meeting to attend. I've been out of touch with MA, my original group, and hadn't been lately, unusual for me.  So I was not at work as usual and able to go, and I find the bldg sold and no meeting.  I was very grateful a friend did return my call who I was close to there.  I again called sponsor and cried and cried, and it was just loss, this meeting I've been going to for over 3 years, gone.  I usually drive close to an hour to get to MA, this is the closest I'm able to attend at 1/2 hour away.  Low threshhold level for frustration. I called an AA friend to check the meeting schedule so I could still go to a meeting, and cried and cried and vented to him.  He saw my ex today at a meeting, and I said I am tired of people telling me about him and asking me about him and I've asked him to leave me alone and he won't, and I'm frustrated, and he's mean.  Someone on this sight pointed out it is harassment to not be left alone as I've asked.  I went to the gym instead of call him, thank God for the swimming and jacuzzi and sauna and steam room.  I took the drive to the meeting, which was cancelled.  My AA friend was very supportive and I headed to one of two meetings, and felt stronger for the smaller one at the last minute.  I'd only been there once.  I was listening to a speaker, and I was there with someone from my past, a girl from highschool and jr high, who I'd reconnected with one day a year ago at AA.  We talked a long time tonight and she asked me if I sponsor anyone.  She is on day one.  I had been thinking how much I need to be of service in this way.  When we care for others and take the time to help them we are less in our own BS and I surely need this.  So we'll see if anything comes from this, it is real exciting (we used to party together :) A God thing that this day lead us together.  I haven't had a real sponsee in a year. I felt kind of relieved not to hear from the new guy the past couple days as I don't need to get over one relationship by getting into another one (another good DS person reminded me) and just feeling like I am grieving right now and it is ok to focus on me.  He is a good guy I just need time and to learn to trust myself and God.  (He even offered to loan me his second car the other day while my car is in the shop - I said no.) Frustrated I supposedly have a work meeting tomorrow and I don't know what time.   I have not been informed about it as of yet and I'm not sure if I have still and I am unable to check work email due to their computer sight acting weird.  At least I do feel like I am being paid to take/teach classes, and I am able to do some work from home.  God help me to be grateful because it is so easy for me to feel driven crazy by the nonsense. Today at the gym I ran into a girl I did warehouse work with 4 years ago after I quit my bar job. We were both working there despite both having college degrees, and it was neat to see our progress since, with us having better jobs.  I may not be where I want to be but atleast I am not where I once was.