The ex sent some messages yesterday that he really doesn't think of me as an enemy, that he didn't mean it, and he really does still love me, and he needs my help.  I don't respond as usual.  Then he texts that his roomate "just told" him, I'm sure about me telling his friend/roomate that I was going on my first date the day I ran into him last weekend.  Right or wrong, I told him.  He was my friend, too.  So I am feeling some guilt and compassion for the ex and I keep him in prayer as always.  I am also a little scared as I don't know if he will try to do something upsetting. I didn't have an appointment with the counselor until next week, so yesterday I showed up accidentally.  I was really glad I followed through with going to my AA and Al Anon meeting last night instead of agreeing to show up for a class.  Dad puts a lot of pressure on me to work more and keep the job.  I need to look at it as one day at a time and it is MY life to live.  It is very difficult to talk to dad about this.  I am barely getting paid 12 hours a week and the thought of doubling this including extra prep time is NOT appealing, especially if they give me a class that is totally outside of my field, which could happen. God, where's my gratitude?  Today I need to do all the studying and preparation to try to get through these two independant study classes. SIGH The new guy is sending some quite nice and romantic texts messages.  I know it is time to tell him my last relationship was unhealthy and the last breakup recent, and to continue to take it slow. Getting a lot out of Louise Hay's video on You Can Heal Your Life. Mom had the book and I had it in my posession for years and have been asking her where it is, and she doesn't know, maybe donated it, now she is totally into the video, about positive affirmations.  What a mind blower.  Good stuff.  It helped my attitude last night, as mom said I needed "a vitamin for my attitude" - so so so true. I am grateful for my doggie, to be able to use the computer, for love and compassion, for an opportunity to try to get some help to learn to be healthy in a relationship, for turning over my ex to God, for staying clean and sober today, for going to meetings every day lately, for getting good sleep and doing yoga and keeping up with my daily swimming or walking, for my health and safety and sanity.