It felt good to turn down a last minute opportunity to sub for an English class tonight because I am putting my Al Anon meeting and my time to myself first.  I find being on call stressful and I don't want to be counted on in this role as substitute, to teach someone else's class I have never taught last minute - maybe if they wouldn't have skipped me for new faculty training I'd be more willing.  I don't know. (I am not feeling super duper about the job at this moment.)  I did start teaching Independant Study yesterday and I have a lot of preparation to do.  I see teachers folders of materials for a single class being like huge, like 5 inch wide binders, and for 20 days of class!  Anyway, I am enjoying it in many ways for now, but truly considering something ele, that I don't have to "take home with me" and feel like I am not treated real well, as far as the lack of communication and organization and training and low pay compared to prep hours and blah blah blah.  It's kinda wierd my sis is one of my supervisors as stuff between us is not always on the up and up.  Anyway I said no and right or wrong it feels good to be able to let go of guilt that normally would have kept me saying yes and maybe putting work before recovery, which relapsers know isn't ideal.  Anyway call it laziness I just didn't want to go. We had a 5.8 quake centered maybe 15 miles away today and it was topic of conversation.  Doggie had just started to growl beforehand - amazing intuition he has. I am so grateful to see my counselor.  I know this guy I have dated is not perfect but damn I am feeling so insecure and vulnerable.  Having been with an abuser has really lead me to put myself down by staying with him and it doesn't automatically go away.  It is kind of neat to have someone nice in my life. This week has been hard.  I do need the money of extra hours.  In the new job, it is ok for me to not feel comfortable doing something I haven't done before and declining.  I tend to have guilt, still.