There was a book I was set on buying before I got together with my ex, and then changed my mind, and finally bought it this weekend. I really like the comedian/author Greg Behrendt and it's called "He's just not that into you" (something related to material on Sex and The City, on which he was a consultant). It's quite on the blunt side, but I like it. Anyway, sure enough the night I bought it Mr. New called. He asked if I want to get together Saturday for sushi and a walk. I said "maybe" which I know sounds a little flakey - I am saying this because he has previously said he'd call on days he didn't. So, we'll see. Again it is only dinner, and I am excited because I love sushi and the ex and I never went for sushi because he didn't like it. I need to speak up about the "saying he'll call and meaing his word" subject without acting wierd. I'm feeling alarmed by the ex. He's still texting and calling sporadically, and said the most sane thing so far - "I'm not dealing with this very well". My heart goes out to him. I'm grateful to have counseling tomorrow - I need to break that "hook" to try to console him. I don't have to take this stuff personally, and it helps to know he generally doesn't deal with stuff well and that is my fault, and I no longer have to feel responsible. Work is kinda difficult. I have lesson planning to do for an Economics and an Ethics class for an independent study student, and it is a bit overwhelming. One kid in math is failing but showing promise. Another girl is in danger of failing. I can't let their desire for me to "cushion" their grades lead me to be dishonest in reporting the grades. I guess I have that people pleasing tendency. I just know for me honesty is a major issue and even considering being dishonest to protect someone who is not doing the work is a major no-no. Sponsor reminds me to keep in mind that this job is like adding to my resume, in order to not feel so overwhelmed. Finally talked to sis today about her separation/pending divorce. It is just sad and disappointing to hear some of the details, but better to have an understanding finally. I hope the niece and nephew will be ok. I have waited weeks for me to talk about it, and I'm grateful she has, and I know all I can do is keep them all in prayer. Taking my car in for more repairs today - it didn't pass smog and we'll see if the money I'm putting into it is worth it (it's an 81). Trying to surrender these things to God that are so weighing on me, so I can realize I need to let go. What's the worse that can happen? I have to use the bus - and that is ok.
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When men have done that to me, you know, the not calling when they say they would and then they call suddenly another day it\'s been one of the most difficult things for me to handle, because i\'ve never had the guts to speak my mind about that and my pride jumps in a defense mechanism, but inside i feel terrible (angry and sad at the same time) and i think that if you speak your mind about this issue it would be the best thing you can do. Next time it happens to me i promise to myself to speak up and say how i feel instead of acting as if nothing happened or it didn\'t matter. For me is part of recovering from being a people pleaser (codependent) and swallowing my own emotions telling myself a story of \"it\'s not that bad\". Good luck sweetie!
Yeah that\'s a tough one, the guy not doing what he says he\'s going to do, and then it becomes your job to explain it to him (or not), anyways it\'s like, I view it as if they\'ve put something onto you. I do know what you mean about the hook, and the ex. I had a bad temptation and wondered if it was a test, when my ex was very emotional and broken up, about his brother\'s suicide attempt and hospitalization. I even knew, that he was visiting Minneapolis and that I had a chance to see him and \"console\" him, and I had to come on DS and fight EVERY urge, to go to him! I would have been there for support and he would have gladly had me for sex. I hope your counselor can help you sort this out and give you some tools. It must be hard being in such close proximity, to break free. Like that Queen song ... I want to break free!
Yup you\'re not doing the kids any favors by giving them special treatment, teaching is hard! Is there a tutor or some kind of resource, to direct them to, so they don\'t fail?
I think that\'s a good attitude about the car. Maybe taking the bus would be a good chance to catch up on some reading.
Have a great week and weekend ahead! see you next week, xoxo, Chels