Well so far all the students in the class are passing.  I am not sure if they need a C or D to pass the class, I hear two different versions (Not the most organized school!!  Very small.  And rather flakey main supervisor at times.).  Anyway only one is getting a D which seems good to me according to what I've heard.  Many failed the midterms, but it is not their whole grade.  They are halfway through the class!  I feel an affection for them and I'm seeing I am making somewhat of a difference in their lives. Only one student has English as a first language.  I commend them on that they could learn this stuff in their 2nd language (to Spanish).  I only speak a little Spanish. Well last night was enjoyable.  I have kept a list of what I like about myself, something every day.  Each day I include it in my journal entry at the end of my day, and read the one from the todays date that I wrote last year.  Today I completed reading the first year, so I started going back to last years journal this time of year to read what I wrote.  I get so much out of reading my journals It is really interesting to read my journal entries and I enjoy it.  I've journaled almost daily since I was 8 years old (I want to publish (:  .)  So!  It was so painful to think I have endured this abusive relationship so long, since around this time last year is when it had become unbearable. I remember he went away for a month last August, and it was a good time for me to have my freedom from him.  The week after he came back we started our 2nd of many breakups (our first was one year ago today).  I've started to attend a few of the meetings I used to attend regularly (one of my "home groups") and I attended with him, since he doesn't go there.  Even if he does, I've read some stuff on wikipedia about Antisocial Personality Disorder, and unfortunately it fits him to a TEE, so I am feeling like I don't have to take him as personally as I have been.  It's been good for me to show my face at the meeting and get some hugs.  I can walk there versus drive to the usual place I go.  It is nice to have options.  I have a feeling after reading that stuff that is so clearly about him, if I see him, it's like SO WHAT.  I don't have to take him personally. So I'm like why did I stay in a relationship I was so unhappy in?  The unhappiness was situational.  Also I know I didn't want to leave my meetings.   I didn't know how to break up without him treating me bad.  He was going to treat me bad, anyway.  I suppose as he soon got suicidal and depressed and went through more problems my codependency "sucked me in".  Such a cycle of abuse, and I know many stay a lot longer than I could have. I also realize there were times of breakup, which I'm relieved for.  I guess I became part of the insanity.  I made a counselor appointment and will give her another chance and get some help to process stuff.  Oh, and he texted me "get at TB test" the other day (real friendly - NOT).  Anyway I know he had TB in the past and that's probably what his whole scare is about lesions on his lungs.  I don't know, he wasn't being straight with me about it.  I'm not contacting him.  He's a terrible liar, I realize now, though knew a long time, just not the extent of it.  I talked to a respiratory therapy teacher and learn TB is spread airborn when it's active and can go dormant, and testing positive for it doesn't mean you have it, they just  give you a lung x-ray.  I'm not really too worried about it and tend to not be real proactive with Dr's, preferring natural medicine.  So I am not running to the Dr put it that way (have been able to avoid them for the most part for most of my adult life.  Call me wierd.) I got to read about this new guy in my journal :) .  Keeping a calendar and figuring out when he started to talk to me, and reading the impressions I wrote, is just so neat to me.  I found some journal entries about him that were pretty positive.  After I'd talked to him, I even dreamed of him at an entrance (symbolic).  We talked on the phone the first time yesterday. I like him.  Anyway if he asks me to dinner I may say yes or I may say wait.  My sponsor says I can tell him I just went through an "unpleasant" breakup and I'm a little "goofy" right now (actually I'm thrilled about the breakup, but the relationship was unpleasant) and that I don't have to tell him anything about the ex.  I am a bit fearful of judgement of me because of who my ex is at this time.  He used to have a lot going for him because of his passion for the AA program, and when he turned away from that and his spirituality, a lot of his appeal is just gone.  He's just a  tattooed former criminal, not quite a good match for me (!), but his seeking God is what really was a joy to watch.  Thank God for the 12 steps.  Sigh.  Anyway I'm glad I've finally moved on, and taking time to heal and process everything.