I went to a very good meeting yesterday where the topic was overcoming resentments. I'm living with a few at the moment and glad my recovery program has given me some tools to deal with them - I just have to use them.  When I did my 4th step inventory it was HUGE and FULL of them, so having a few isn't so bad. I'm mad at the ex.  He lied.  I knew he lied and continued to trust him, so it is my own issue.  That last one is just such a violation, as they all are, and probably much more extensive than I could imagine.  That hurts. I'm disappointed my sis neglects me.  I don't have to take it personally.  I can accept it for what it is instead of blaming myself or taking it personally.  She's apparently getting a divorse and I'm mad she hasn't bothered to talk to me about it or even tell me.  I am not suprized though, just hurt.  That's how she treats me.  Maybe it is partially from when I was "out there" in my addiction and not available.  I don't think it is all my fault, though.  It is really uncomfortable to reach out to her and have her basically avoid me. I am sad some of my friends don't seem to be interested in me.  I am a bit self consumed in the drama of the relationship and it is ok if they don't want to deal with it.  I love them anyway.  I just relied on them to deal with it and they seem to have withdrawn.  It hurts. I'm sad about my counselor being someone I don't really trust.  I probably need to go back.  I just feel like she said some things that I found to be out of the line of truth and even manipulative.  So I will pray about it. All these resentments require me looking at MY part and turning them over to God to turn them into something useful.  I can learn and grow from them. It is hard to deal with an imperfect job.  I told my sponsor I don't like being micromanaged so I suppose the lack of someone hovering over my every move is a "God shot" like she described.  All these resentments require me looking at MY part and turning them over to God to turn them into something useful.  I can learn and grow from them.  Last night the college kids said they were told they could leave about 1 1/2 hours early and that the dean was supposed to come around and tell all the teachers.  No one did.  I told them they're probably right but no one told me.  So the maintenance man came around and said everyone else was leaving.  Thank God I was prepared, I kept them 5 more minutes to cover the rest of the instruction, as their quiz is Monday and midterm Tuesday.  Everyone is passing so far, but that could change.  I was going to help them get started with their homework at that point.  They are all under 19 and in a corrections program.  It is like having kids in a way.  I am grateful I have the math and study plans and homework assignments to help me use my skills to build my confidence and start to have something to focus on other than "HIM" or my crap.  It has been since I don't know when if ever or at rare times in the past since I've had a job where I couldn't sit there and daydream the whole time as I went through the motions. Oh there was a guy at the meeting about a month ago who started to talk to me, and my head is racing.  I keep hoping to see him, though I am in no position to date.  I remember when I first saw him how he'd look at me.  I am vulnerable, and I told my ex so.  Big mistake.  He accused me of cheating and all this BS.  I told him at least I am telling him.  He said he was vulnerable, too.  I now believe his accusations mean he wasn't faithful to me as he stated, even if it was during breakups as he insists.  I was celibate years before him so it shouldn't suprize me that since he was so promiscuous he just doesn't "get" not chasing after someone.  It has been so long since my ex showed a real genuine interest in me as he did when we were friends and first together. I was listening to radio about godly people being drawn to godly people. I was drawn to my ex having his spiritual awakening in our recovery program, and since he slid downhill and started to relapse and leave God and want to die, we just don't have spirituality in common anymore.  At one point he was reaching to God.  I just don't know now.  He sure lies a lot.  I think he's in self will.  Oh God, I need to go to Al Anon and read my new book (haven't cracked it). I shouldn't be dating people I wouldn't want to stay with. He wasn't healthy to stay with. I am making a decision to stay away.  I cried last night for the first time in the last two weeks since I argued with him and cried about the mess we were in, and the lie I gained information of through his close friend/relative.  He still texts now and then.  I need to block that from happening, it is unnessary pain to deal with.  I am still processing the whole thing.  Thank God for the distance to do that.  I was so relieved to be able to cry.  It felt stuck inside.