Last entry didn't save. Feeling de-energized - heat, walking, bussing, mechanic holding car longer than promised and not returning call, ex out of the picture, dealing with the betrayal, praying for someone to talk to about it, not feeling trusting of counselor. I went to al anon.  I feel like my friends there do not want to get into my drama with me, and I understand, I just feel rather needy right now.  I have one friend who I told about the situation and my mom, and his father in law, who I saw in passing today and waved and kept going.  I miss the counseling.  I don't know what I'll do.  I feel I overlooked my lack of trust in her and that is too easy to do.  I do pray for someone to help me get through this.  I don't want to jump into another relationship or other addictive behavior like work. The math teaching position starts tonight, and I am planning to be prepared a day at a time so I do not feel overwhelmed.  I feel calmed by it, but rather disturbed about the overall situation - they do not have enough teachers editions books to go around, so for the homework I assign I will have to figure out the questions. They do not pay adequately for the prep time, and I am being stubborn about not wanting to put my all into it when I am not compensated.  We'll see if it is something I am comfortable with or not.  I am not sure if it is my calling or not, teaching.  Maybe if it was a subject I felt a little more passionate about.  I am bothered to get brand new students who haven't been properly taken through the basic math study plan prior to the class as they are supposed to, again poor planning, poor communication between departments - so if they fail I don't want to take it too personally.  Some of these students are really at a very low skill level, and I believe all of them have English as a 2nd language. Oh well.  God, help me to learn the lesson I need to learn.  Help me to not engage the boyfriend, who is emotionally violent.  I don't have to react or respond to his accusations, hurtful words, abuse, or lies, anymore.  There is a void there.  I can get through this.  I can learn what serenity is.