Thanks so much for nice replies to my journal.  My online friends ((((HUG)))). I am in a fit over being offered to teach a math class, and I am reconsidering.  I got skipped over for the new instructor orientation today, meaning I was not included, and I am so lost, and I gather it is typical for new teachers to feel completely overwhelmed at this school, and they expect us to resource and network on our own to figure out how to access all the materials, computer programs, everything involved in teaching a college level class in the age of computers... my sis is the boss's assistant, my new supervisor was on vacation this week, and I am just like, stressed to the bone... I picture turning it over to my higher power and him putting my problems behind lock and key because I don't know how to leave them there.  Learning how to teach a class as well as relearning the material has me worried and a knot in my stomach, and I don't like stress on the job, so we'll see. Today I finally told the boss in email (all communication there is email, virtually, frustatingly) and I said I need training if I am going to teach a class.  I find out training was today.  All she has told me was to contact some other math teachers.  I am still wating for the math book.  My sis is her assistant and has offered to get me in touch with someone to train me tomorrow.  We'll see. Anyway the stress is awful and I've cried about it.  God!  Please help.  I am way too upset over this.  I like proper training.  WE all are different.  I told my sis I may not be comfortable with this, and I may have to tell the boss tomorrow if after spending some time on campus there questioning some teachers and getting direction, if I don't think it is a good fit for me at this time without the formal training session.  Thank you anyway, maybe later.  Or something like that. The thought of going back to my counselor seems out of the picture.  There was too much settling on my part of her perspective on things about my ex, and I just KNOW I am part of the problem, the only part of it I can change, and if I don't get help for me, I will find another him (because believe me this pattern I have of feeling stuck with someone who is not right for me has  been going on since my first boyfriend 20+ years ago).  I am getting comfort from Al Anon, coming here, reading recovery literature, and I will ask God to provide the right counselor for me, and trust HIM.  I think I need someone who will not put conditions on me, and I see this may have come from pressure from her supervisor due to the limited scope of the domestic violence agency.  And the ex?  He is seeing the Dr. tomorrow.  Figuring if he has cancer, and  after losing my aunt from cancer last week, I would rather be in touch than not.  Life is too short.  I'm not sure how much in touch, just in touch. Got a great idea for a new tool in a meeting today.  Write thank you cards.  Be in gratitude.  I did, to my sis, my boss, my last boss from the temp job, my sponsor, a coworker who trained me, another coworker who offered to answer questions for me (an angel), and even the ex.  What a positive thing versus feeling resentful of people who mean well, but who are inadvertantly pushing buttons I am having a hard time addressing.