I'm eating locally grown lettuce in my salad, from the local college Farm Store. It's wonderful. Today at counseling she told me if I don't decide to stay away from him in the next month then the counseling is not helping me and I'll have to take a break from counseling. It is a Domestic Violence agency. She knows the relationship involves domestic violence (no physical) and doesn't think it is the best choice to stay. The last few sessions I just tell her I feel stuck. I said I realize if I work an Al Anon program I have some hope to deal with this repeating issue of feeling stuck with someone who needs help. He needs so much help, and is getting worse. He is so sick and has such serious issues and he isn't addressing them, and I feel responsible like I am something in his life that is happy, yet our relationship is sometimes just miserable. So I cried. I am not good at decisions. I turned it over to God, let HIM decide. Between my counselor or him? And I am having a tough time. Tomorrow is his bday and I had offered lunch, and not felt right about it. So I left him a message that I love him but I am not comfortable with all his issues he needs help with and is not getting; from his counselor, psychiatrist, doctor, meetings, and I can't help him, and I am tired of feeling responsible for him and I need Al Anon and he is an adult and I need him to stop and let me take care of myself and I am scared to have him in my car and take him to a restaurant because of his temper. Last time a few days ago I wouldn't take him home because he was making threats to damage property at the restaurant. This is so hard to admit. I was so mad he wanted to take me out to tell me something and it was private about sex and I got so upset, it was so inappropriate. is truly sick and was told he may have cancer months ago and hasn't seen a doctor since, losing more weight, having some awful issues, and relapsed a couple times, and he admitted he's suicidal and his counselor didn't have much to say and his psychiatrist doesn't take enough time with him, and he won't share in his AA meetings. ENOUGH! I CANNOT Save him. He's said he's waiting for his insurance. I don't know. Counselor said I'm keeping him from getting the help he needs by trying to help. I see her point. And I am creating more animosity between us from going round and round with him with the insanity, lies, and reacting in hurt and anger... OK so why do I stay? There is genuine love there (if you can call it that. Mutual dependence? I don't know). But I do feel stuck in the guilt of the caretaking role, and I also think of the times when it is good and we do connect and get along, and I also feel obligated because of how close we've become with knowing eachother intimately in personal details. So. I NEED to turn it over to God, PERIOD. Anyway I need help. It is not his problem that I feel stuck with him. Sometimes it is good between us. And I truly don't know what I'll do in the next month. Back in meetings daily this week. It's been months. I even got to lead a womens AA meeting yesterday. Good for me. This helps me, going to meetings and reaching out and coming clean with my counselor and sponsor (she's taking a 20 year cake next month!)
Replies
i kno u love him darlin, and im certain he loves u in his \"own way\". i just dont think that \"his way\" is a good way for YOU! i think he only brings u down and prohibits ur own growth in so many aspects of ur life, he holds u back. do c what i mean? i kno u fee responsible or obligated to him in many ways and its so much ur in ur nature to want to help/\"fix\" him. but its beyond ur repair, i think. i do agree that if he doesnt have u to rely on then he will have to get hte help he needs or suffer the consequences. he is an adult and needs to make adult decisions. i think u need to part ways for now neway and work souly on YOU! c where that takes u. best of luck sweety, God bless~~~
Your counselor is trying tough love on you, I\'ve seen that before. I know she means the best. Yes, you\'re in a deeply codependent relationship! Woah! It\'s tough! There is no doubt about it. You\'ve got your own addiction, which is your addiction to the relationship, or him. It\'s like a drug to you, the high you get out of the interactions. I know! I hear ya! I never did any hard drugs but from what I\'ve heard and what I can imagine... I still feel that way about my x-a, I mean, I think about him every day. Does that mean anything, like, that he\'s the love of my life? No, it just means I\'m a recovering Junky. Thinking about my drug. thinking about my fix. I don\'t think of it as \"love\" any more I think of it as a fix.
Anyways it doesn\'t make it any easier! I know what you mean about giving it up to God, putting it in his hands, but remember, \"God helps those who help themselves.\"
Love ya! you\'ll be fine! And you Will find the strength! I know it xoxo
Please take care of YOURSELF. The people who make comments on this site have been where you are right now. Letting go means you are making room for something, someone else. Make room for yourself. Love