I went to counseling Thursday and I was confronted with just how frustrated I have been.  I cried a lot and just felt uncomfortable.  She was asking me what I want to do about the ex - stay and be there for him or ask him to leave me alone and not respond to his attempts to contact. I feel like part of my spiritual beliefs which lean on forgiveness make it hard to make the no contact rule.  But being there for him with my history of trying to "fix" people in codependency and just losing myself in it, and dealing w/ the hurt and resentment of a person who I have been through a lot of emotionally painful experiences with, just drain me. With more time off due to only working part time, I am left with a lacking social life.  Going to a couple meetings was really great for me.  Trying to call some of my friends didn't go so well.  I am not feeling real supported by my friends right now, as they have their own lives and I still struggle with trust issues. My car was returned from the mechanic with very little cost.  I am not sure how long lasting the repairs will be, but I am relieved to have a running car.  It sounds like the mechanics helper knew what to do more than he did.  Oh well at least it is running better as far as I can tell. We had some rain lately.  It was so hot last weekend!  Really odd weather lately here in So. Cal.  Kind of nice to have some diversity, but the too hot weather leaves me feeling real nonproductive. I went to traffic school and listened to the animated teacher talk about mostly nonrelated stuff.  It was pretty interesting.  He pointed out how we have our list of goals, and we get on missions to do these things.  It is good for me to think about my interests, as they have gotten so lost in my codependency and pot addiction. Well I swam a bit yesterday and have walked the last several days.  I want to swim more.  I need to add a goal of Get Organized.  That is a great project besides spending time with the ex. It's memorial weekend and I have more money in my account than I am used to for the last many years or maybe my whole life!  I got caught up in rent money to mom this year, which I've been behind about a year.  I'd sure like to take off tomorrow for the night somewhere, and attend some meetings on Monday - an Al Anon and an oldtimers meeting with one of my favoritie AA's who got sober at 34 like me - only he is 92 and has 58 years of sobriety (59 if he makes it to next month).  And he still goes to meetings!!!!!!  I really love him.  I interviewed him for The AA Grapevine publication last year, they are keeping it on standby so it probably may not be printed.  But it was still a great experience - truly a hero of mine. It was just nice to make chicken noodle soup homemade last night and to watch tv and make brownie ice cream sundae with strawberries, and to run errands and go to the gym.  It sure is nice having the freedom of a car, my health and gas money and spending money.  I sure need to work on the social life and stop relying so much on the ex.