I am so grateful I had jobs the last several months that allowed me to be online here.  I really don't now, and only am doing update maintenance of posting jounals and viewing DS friends' journals. I haven't been able to go into groups much.  Sigh.  We get into and out of habits. I find myself a little sad to be ending months of overtime. Temp work is hard because of the temporary nature and the loss involved.  I am here at the place I volunteer every Saturday night and this allows me online access.  This is the place I did my last temp job, and I have done it off an on for over 3 years.  I am a little sad.  I do still have my part time evening job.  I will be able to pay all my bills with a part time job!  That is awesome.  I am hoping to use my afternoons to catch up on AA meetings and using the jacuzzi at the gym and get organized.  I'd like to scrapbook and place photos in albums, projects I've put on hold literally a dozen years.  Problems with clutter here. Lately my clothes are too tight. I set them aside to make room for larger ones. I am 37 and work at rather sedentary jobs so what do I expect? I need some car repair.  It is an '81 and needs a new radiator fan motor or something.  I am a little anxious in the meantime.  Bus to work? I saw the ex today.  It was nice, he was and is being sweet.  I called a Christian friend who is good at ministering to talk to him, and they talked a long time. I had to "turn him over".  Anyway he is talking about wanting to get baptised.  He is sick and is waiting for his insurance to come through to move forward with looking into the lesions in his lungs.  He could have cancer.  Anyway in forgiving it doesn't mean I have to go back or stick around, but anyway I seem to be back as far as being back and forth.  I don't know he is still my best friend. I went to AA and have a little crush on this guy.  I introduced myself and he said he'd met me before.  I was at a meeting with him about 2 months ago but we hadn't talked.  Anyway it was exciting to feel feelings and to have contact.  It is good to be at a meeting and share.  This is one of my favorite meetings lately.  It is a big book meeting where we take turns reading and then take turns sharing.  I dont' really trust myself and my attraction to men, meaning I may not  be attracted to healthy men, so anyway I have put myself back with the ex so I am in no position to go hunting or dating.  It was wierd to find myself going back to old obsessive thoughts about this new guy, which keep me off of me and my goals and responsibilities, such a pattern.